Braving Baby Phat

Lil' Kim and Kimora Lee SimmonsPhotograph by Patrick McMullan

So far, our sojourn here at Fashion Week has been fun and fascinating and, surprisingly, pretty organized. But no more. The Baby Phat show was a total mob scene — literally: A fight broke out in the front rows while we were waiting for the show to start.

Admittedly, after standing in line in the lobby for what felt like about ten years (fine, it was probably more like 45 minutes), we felt a little violent, too. Especially when we realized we were going to be suffering the slings and arrows of standing-room-only seating.

Here's what we learned about SRO: You're really going to be sorry you wore your four-inch heels. If you elbow people discreetly, you can worm your way into a pretty good view of the show. And not only are you doomed to stand, you don't even get a gift bag.

And here's what we learned about Baby Phat: Celebrities LOVE IT. The front row was awash with famous people, like Seventeen magazine editor Atoosa Rubenstein; America's Next Top Model's runway coach Miss J. Alexander; adorable teen songtress JoJo, who looked very cute in a black cocktail dress; Sopranos shrink Lorraine Bracco (seated close-ish to Jamie-Lynn "Meadow Soprano" Sigler, though we didn't see them exchange pleasantries); Tommy Hilfiger and his perma-tan; and — best of all — the recently sprung Lil' Kim. It's been a long, dry season without her antics (by which we mean, "her boobs"), and she came back in style: wearing a gown that revealed the vast majority of her sternum.

Unfortunately, cleavage notwithstanding, Lil' Kim didn't seem like her usual ebullient self. She was subdued and quiet for most of the show, the exact opposite of Brandy, who sat three seats down and spent most of the show jamming to the music (which rocked) and who yelled at a model in a particularly fab bikini bottom (outfitted with the beach version of a utility belt, complete with hooks for your cell phone) to "Work it!" Another (sort of) celeb who seemed overcome by the drama of the show was stylist Philip Bloch, who apparently never got the memo about trucker hats being over and who spent the entire show mugging for someone seated across from him.

As for the clothes themselves, who could be bothered to really pay attention when we were all concerned (nay, hoping) that there would be a rumble? Our attention was brought to the runway exactly twice: when the audience clapped enthusiastically at the appearance of Alek Wek (Who can blame them? She's hot) and when the final model came perilously close to tripping on the hem of her black sparkly gown. From what we did see, it appears that Kimora Lee Simmons believes that we will be wearing both sheer leggings and giant leaves strapped to our heads this spring. Frankly, that's enough to bring us to fisticuffs.

Overheard at Bryant Park:

Girlfriend: OH, MY GOD. You can't wear a TEE SHIRT to a FASHION SHOW!

Boyfriend: What? It's Armani.

The Fug Girls