Choking Down a Media Sandwich

From left, John Demsey, Dita Von Teese, Zac Posen, Eve, and Diddy. Photo: Photograph by Gary Gershoff/WireImage.com

Never let it be said that the Fug Girls don't know how to make an exit.

The crescendo of our Fashion Week celebrity-spotting started slowly with Kristin Cavallari, built with Kristen Bell and Mischa Barton sightings at every turn, and peaked on our final night in New York at the packed Zac Posen show.

We have never craved a pair of binoculars more than this week, especially on Thursday night. At least when you go to the theater, or to the races, you can hear the action; here, nobody's doing play-by-play for the benefit of those of us in the nosebleed section. (And that is a shame. If there's one thing Fashion Week sorely needs, it's the inane vocal stylings of John Madden.) And so, from our standing-room berth up high, most of what we saw was a constant stream of blurry dots lit up by a flurry of flashbulbs. It was like pointillism in action. "Is that Gwyneth Paltrow? She has such pretty hair!" It wasn't. It was a man.

Open gawking is an accepted practice around Bryant Park, so we left our standing-room posts (which were promptly snatched up) and went down to troll the front rows.

This is where we became the meat in a media sandwich. Roaming the front rows is a bit like being squeezed through a tube: You're pushed down the middle of the teeming array of photographers, cameramen, and producers, until you pop out into the open. Off the bat, we floated past gap-toothed modeling legend Lauren Hutton, who sat quietly in the shadow of comedienne Sandra Bernhard. Although even a Spinal Tap amplifier would exist in dignified silence next to Bernhard, we were surprised to see Hutton flying low while Bernhard gave a chatty, fashion-savvy interview to a camera crew. Next, we overheard Bee Shaffer telling a reporter that, although she's loving her gig writing for the Telegraph, she's still undecided about journalism as a career in general, and fashion writing in particular.

Kate Bosworth, always tinier than we expect even though we keep seeing her around town, arrived moments before Kanye West and his date. The gray fur stole slung around Kanye's neck could have doubled as a tube dress on Kate. Even though she was there to scope out Posen's clothes, we'd love to see her in some baked ziti with garlic bread.

Brown-haired Hilary Duff and boyfriend Joel Madden each wore hats to the show, which is a tad precious for our taste. Take a page from Ashton and Demi, guys — they color-coordinate, but we only know that because Ashton told everyone. Hilary's old blonde hair didn't miss out on any of the action — it made an appearance on the head of rapper Eve, who attended with fellow M.A.C. spokesmodel Dita Von Teese.

Posen sent a range of clothes down the runway, from simple white knee-length dresses that were beautifully tailored to complicated froofy confections that were one tiny plastic sword away from being on the drinks menu at T.G.I. Friday's. As usual, the last dress was the biggest, best spectacle: all in gold and silver, its tight, mermaid-esque bodice exploded into a giant skirt bedecked with crinkled fabric. Clearly, Posen was inspired by the rejected, balled-up sketches in his wastebasket.

The Fug Girls