When the lights went down at Grey Ant's show, a group of models filed into the room, faintly visible in the shadows. Suddenly, one of them contorted himself into a twisted claw shape and stood motionless.
It was then that we heard a whispered, "Oh, no," emanating from a few seats away.
This was no ordinary runway show. This was interpretive dance. Herky-jerky, half-naked interpretive dance. And judging by the woman in the front row who watched the entire first half with her eyes saucer-wide and her hand clamped over her gaping mouth, we knew not everybody was quite prepared for it.
The information sheet claimed that the Grey Ant aesthetic this season was inspired in part by "the back cover of Bette Midler's album Songs for the New Depression." And if indeed that cover features Bette convulsing in a shredded white mask, then the enterprise was a totally rousing success.
In the first segment, dancers lurched and gyrated in lavender-and-cream pajama-themed skivvies. And, yes, masks. Shredded white masks. We affixed our very best nothing-in-this-room-surprises-us expressions on our faces throughout, but seriously, the entire routine was as if designer Grant Krajecki got hopped up on NyQuil one night, fell asleep during a Yoga Booty Ballet TV infomercial, and had a fiendish nightmare about a deranged Jazzercise student who lived in the studio basement and demanded an appearance on one of the DVDs. It was so bizarre and so far out of left field that it came back around to being amazing loopy as Heatherette, but without those boys' need to pat themselves on the backs for their non-conformity. We never wanted it to end.
It did after a very long minute or so, at which point eight models came out and walked the catwalk two by two in high-waisted denim cut several ways boot-cut, flared, tapered, you name it and tiny, skintight early-eighties leotards. All we could think of was the girl in The Warriors who decides she wants to join the intrepid titular gang as it runs for its life from the Baseball Furies.
Woefully, the uniformed, face-painted Furies didn't make an appearance in the final segment of the show, but it was special nonetheless. This much-longer dance piece featured thong bathing suits; a wan, shaggy man in a nightdress; and a dude in black spankies and a ruffled shirt who could have been the lost, sweaty love child of Martha Graham and Freddie Mercury. It was hypnotic. The outfits were again more like something you'd wear to sleep or underneath your actual clothes on a cold day, but by now everyone knew that the garments themselves were completely and utterly beside the point. Why should the audience focus on the clothes when instead they could walk away with the memory of Nightgown Boy leaping skyward from the floor?
Well, maybe one person.
"I thought Grey Ant did menswear," mused the woman next to us.
Then she pursed her lips and said, in deliciously soft, enunciated tones, "I am underwhelmed."
We were not.
Most Viewed Stories
Melania Trump Swatted the President Away When He Tried to Hold Her Hand
Monica Lewinsky Wrote a Scathing Good-bye to Roger Ailes
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost Were Reportedly Making Out at the SNL After-Party
The Emancipation of the MILF
Melania Trump Reportedly Hate-Watches Cable Shows for Her Husband
The Personal Trainer Who Wishes She Could Compartmentalize
When You Love Your Friend But Hate Her Social-Media Presence
Where to Buy Michelle Obama’s Trendy One-Shoulder Top
From the Archives: A 31-Year-Old Mother of Four Reinvents Herself in New York
New Report Reveals Decades of Sexual Abuse at Elite Connecticut Boarding School
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesCiara's Wedding Dress Was Too Big for the Chapel
To be fair, it was a 13 foot-long dress.You and Rihanna Will Both Want to Invest in Dior’s New Bag
It's got something for everyone.Polo Shirts Have Turned Their Back on Ryan Lochte
Along with his other major sponsors.Ryan Lochte Will No Longer Be Paid to Wear Tiny Bathing Suits
Speedo remains committed to transparency.Laura Brown Is the New Editor-in-Chief of InStyle
After 11 years at Harper’s Bazaar.Tyra Banks Is Going to Teach a Class on Smizing at Stanford
"If I see somebody not paying attention, I’m gonna call on them."This Floating Pier Is the Most Zen Installation Ever
Walking on water in Italy.Nation Is Appalled by Matt Lauer’s Nude Ankles During Ryan Lochte Interview
What’s the opposite of “Jeah”?8 People at the Life of Pablo Pop-up Explain Why Kanye West Is a God
"I mean, Kanye West is just Kanye West. There's not more or less you can say about Kanye West. He's just Mr. West!"A T-shirt Is Enough
Simplicity, versatility, and cool. What more could you want?
She took a perfect pencil dive off a 30-foot yacht.American Apparel Is Being Sued by Former Workers
As the company considers putting itself up for sale.A Gendered History of the Tailored Suit
From Marlon Brando to Coco Chanel.How Zendaya Developed Such Great Style at the Young Age of 19
The star's best looks from Disney to now.Proof That If You’re Chic Enough, a Little Federal Investigation Doesn’t Matter
Is this the best they could do?5,300-Year-Old Mummified Iceman Probably Would’ve Been a Street-Style Star
He had several different looks and was “pretty picky.”J.Crew Has Identified 226 Shades of Pink
Even more than there are shades of gray.Gigi and Bella Hadid Merch Is Now Somehow a Thing That Is Happening
Today in Hadidiana.Gird Your Loins for the Return of Yeezy to New York Fashion Week
The season approaches.This Indie Brand Had a Great Response to Ivanka Trump
When she bought one of their cuffs, they donated the proceeds to the Clinton campaign.