Because it took us 45 minutes to get to Lincoln Center in rush-hour traffic, we might have been a little late for Tommy Hilfiger. And because we might have been a little late for Tommy Hilfiger, we might have missed the chance to sit in our actual assigned seats. This may be how we ended up loitering in a glass-enclosed balcony, fighting for a spot past the folks in standing room who'd gotten there at a reasonable hour. And that's how we found ourselves at our lowest Fashion Week point, both emotionally and physically: kneeling on the carpet, peering through people's legs down at the front row below. Next season Tommy should hand out knee pads.
From our degrading point of view, we did spy clammy, self-satisfied director Brett Ratner sitting with his arm resting casually (by which we mean, douchily) on Russell Simmons's right shoulder. Ioan Gruffudd — whom we later saw cheerfully signing autographs for some kids — gently stroked the shoulder of his wife, actress Alice Evans, who herself perched next to an unusually well-coiffed Maggie Gyllenhaal. This Fashion Week, we've heard many a rumor about people being paid to appear at fashion shows, but Maggie G. just screams Tommy Hilfiger, don't you think? Right. Totally there for the clothes. Just like the lady in the front row prominently displaying a Hilfiger coat, which event staffers claimed had been handed to her a mere day earlier; the recipient was either Evans or the woman to Gruffudd's left, whom the peanut gallery hovering over our pathetic crouched bodies thought may have been Dixie Chick Emily Robison. But maybe the giant high heel in front of our faces clouded our celebrity-spotting radar. It did not, however, block us from spying Evans reapplying her lipstick while the models did their final group walk. Apparently, her lips wait for no one.
Mags was earning her cash — er, MAYBE she was — sitting between Julianne Moore and a violently be-hatted Kelly Rowland, just down the row from Helena Christensen. From our view through two girls' calves and one big purse, the four of them watched the show in interested silence but only grudgingly stood up for Hilfiger's bow (with, we swear, a "Great, here we go " eye-roll from Gyllenhaal, in Moore's direction). Once the show ended and we cracked our sad knees on our way to a fully upright position, we peered down and saw the departing figures of Pharrell Williams; AMC'S Leven Rambin, squeezed in next to Kat DeLuna, whom we still wouldn't recognize outside of Fashion Week if she hit us with a pie in the face; the irritatingly twee (and, for the first time since we started coming to this show a year ago, supportive of her dad) Ally Hilfiger and her idiotic Ray Ban–style spectacles; an insanely tan and skinny Nicky Hilton, who tried her hardest to run out without giving an interview and ultimately failed; and Richie Rich, who must have loads of free time since Heatherette isn't showing. Presumably he attends Hilfiger each season for inspiration, since the two lines have so much in common. Like how they both make clothes out of fabric.
In all, it was the most embarrassed we've ever been at a fashion show, although we're sure we'll eclipse that the day we fly ass-over-teakettle into Anna Wintour's lap and try to salvage the moment by offering her a Polo mint. Fortunately for our shattered dignity, though, we were not the only people peering through legs to see who was attending the show, not by a long shot. Half of the standing crowd could have been rightly calling their positions "crouching." At one point, we locked eyes with the women who were prostrate next to us, and we all laughed. "This is humiliating," we noted. "Yeah, why am I getting on my knees for Hilfiger?" one of the women responded. "I should only kneel for Prada." Seriously. Can we get that on a T-shirt? —The Fug Girls
Most Viewed Stories
Everything We Know About Brad Pitt’s Plane Incident
It’s Time to Get Over Your White Feelings and Start Taking Action for Black Lives
25 Famous Women on Being Alone
Jaden Smith on the Many Subtle Flavors of Water
Kim Kardashian Might Vote for Donald Trump
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
If You See Brad Pitt As a Fallen Hero, It’s Because the Rules Have Changed
Kylie Jenner’s Getting Sucked Into Tyga’s Debt Problems
Taylor Swift’s Squad Begged Kim Kardashian for Mercy
Bask in the Glory of This Dramatic Email Sent to a UCLA Freshman by Her Future Roommate
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesCiara's Wedding Dress Was Too Big for the Chapel
To be fair, it was a 13 foot-long dress.You and Rihanna Will Both Want to Invest in Dior’s New Bag
It's got something for everyone.Polo Shirts Have Turned Their Back on Ryan Lochte
Along with his other major sponsors.Ryan Lochte Will No Longer Be Paid to Wear Tiny Bathing Suits
Speedo remains committed to transparency.Laura Brown Is the New Editor-in-Chief of InStyle
After 11 years at Harper’s Bazaar.Tyra Banks Is Going to Teach a Class on Smizing at Stanford
"If I see somebody not paying attention, I’m gonna call on them."This Floating Pier Is the Most Zen Installation Ever
Walking on water in Italy.Nation Is Appalled by Matt Lauer’s Nude Ankles During Ryan Lochte Interview
What’s the opposite of “Jeah”?8 People at the Life of Pablo Pop-up Explain Why Kanye West Is a God
"I mean, Kanye West is just Kanye West. There's not more or less you can say about Kanye West. He's just Mr. West!"A T-shirt Is Enough
Simplicity, versatility, and cool. What more could you want?
She took a perfect pencil dive off a 30-foot yacht.American Apparel Is Being Sued by Former Workers
As the company considers putting itself up for sale.A Gendered History of the Tailored Suit
From Marlon Brando to Coco Chanel.How Zendaya Developed Such Great Style at the Young Age of 19
The star's best looks from Disney to now.Proof That If You’re Chic Enough, a Little Federal Investigation Doesn’t Matter
Is this the best they could do?5,300-Year-Old Mummified Iceman Probably Would’ve Been a Street-Style Star
He had several different looks and was “pretty picky.”J.Crew Has Identified 226 Shades of Pink
Even more than there are shades of gray.Gigi and Bella Hadid Merch Is Now Somehow a Thing That Is Happening
Today in Hadidiana.Gird Your Loins for the Return of Yeezy to New York Fashion Week
The season approaches.This Indie Brand Had a Great Response to Ivanka Trump
When she bought one of their cuffs, they donated the proceeds to the Clinton campaign.