Why in God's Name Would a Model Go to Max Brenner?

This is all Orlando Bloom's fault. . Photo: Getty

So Orlando Bloom has been seeing Victoria’s Secret fleshequin Miranda Kerr since late 2007, and the duo were spotted having hot chocolate at Max Brenner this week. Now, we here at the Cut love models, obviously, but Max Brenner? Nononono. Please do not make us articulate the incomprehensible horror we're feeling right now. What next, canoodling at Baluchi's? Come now. Surely your handlers can take you by the wrist and lead you in a better direction. Listen: As a pretty person, you have a responsibility to be not tacky. And it's not about the calories; it's about Max Brenner's circus sludge. Now please be so kind as to get your cocoa from somewhere slightly less gauche. Do you want suggestions? We have lots! Or just go to Balthazar like a good model should. But the Bald Man — just … no. Sigh. We're not mad, just disappointed. —Jessica Coen