After Christian Siriano was crowned the fiercest designer in the land on Project Runway’s fourth-season finale, we felt happy but slightly empty. Not because we didn’t think he deserved the win, but because we hadn’t gotten our dramatic fill. There was no fighting. No abject horror. Not even a whiff of impropriety. What kind of self-respecting reality show fields a finale full of talented, qualified contestants who neither sabotage each other nor do anything to make Heidi Klum want to vomit on her shoes?
Jessica: I am happy to be wrong two years running.
Heather: When Christian looked like he was going to lose it and weep, I said, "Aw. Suddenly I really want him to win!" I am a sucker for tears. I blame Tyra.
Jessica: Me too. I feel like this is exactly what we did last cycle, too — pick one guy and then find ourselves rooting for the other. The magic of editing! But he's so happy!
Heather: Our heartstrings are very easily plucked.
Jessica: Christian is really talented. He reminds me of all the cute gays I ran around with in college.
Heather: And I liked his collection. I still think it was a bit too repetitive at the beginning, and too monochrome overall, but I enjoyed watching it. I knew Posh would go nuts for it. I was pretty sure she was about to ask if she could borrow those last two dresses.
Jessica: It was sort of same-y, but I think in the end, they could not resist the giant face-scrunchie.
Heather: Who could? What is fashion if not a chance to leave the house under threat of being suffocated?
Jessica: I also think, for some reason, Christian's models were fiercer.
Heather: Was it just me or were Rami's models UNCOMMONLY poor walkers?
Heather: It was so awkward!
Heather: I was disappointed that Rami’s colors looked richer and better in the photos than they did in motion on the runway.
Jessica: The red in the pictures looked more like pink on the TV. I wasn’t totally wild about it, in the end. But I didn’t hate them either.
Heather: Although I did laugh at Michael Kors, Prince of Pastels, calling Rami's colors "too Brady Bunch."
Heather: Christian's collection was a weird void of color. Between him and the Oscars, I'm wondering if there is a memo I missed. Bless Posh for wearing orange.
Jessica: I loved Rami's evening gowns, speaking of the Oscars.
Heather: Oh, so much. He's going to have a career doing that, I think. A one-man Badgley Mischka.
Jessica: Absolutely. And I have to say how awesome it was that everyone clapped when Jaslene walked for Jillian.
Heather: That was a nice moment for her! Of course, they also clapped practically any time a model took off a layer, so maybe they were just easily pleased.
Jessica: She was totally fierce.
Heather: Posh came off really well, too. She didn't say a whole lot of substance, but frankly, nobody did. Deliberations were not weighty.
Jessica: I guess that speaks to the strength of the field this year, but the show is always more fun when Michael Kors is calling someone a brioche.
Heather: The whole first act was a little dull. I think pitting Chris and Rami against each other hurt the show a bit. Last week, it reduced Jillian and Christian to afterthoughts, and meant there was no time to add a new challenge. So for the first fifteen minutes tonight it was just the contestants trotting between castings and product-placed cosmetics and hair experts. Mixed in with some of Jillian’s whining.
Jessica: Exactly. I was just thinking about last season and all that drama where Laura thought Jeffrey was cheating, and how good that was, too. And when Chloe Dao almost had that breakdown when they had to make the extra look?
Heather: Yes! I know an extra challenge can be a bit contrived, but it does boost the stakes a lot. All we got this year was Jillian being all, "I'm. So. Emotional," in the exact tone you would use to say, "I'm. Unloading. The dishwasher." I wish someone had cheated this time around. It might have worked if Chris March had donned a mask and made a second collection in the basement of Parsons and then haunted Bryant Park. And kidnapped Posh.
Jessica: Oh my God, yes. Maybe next cycle. Now we enter the tragic period in our lives in which there is no Tim Gunn.
Heather: It's bad for our drinking, this period. But I feel good about how it all went, in the end. As far as singling out emerging talent, the show did its job. All three of them are pretty great and more than qualified, but having seen that Christian squeezes a tiny mattress into his hallway so he can sleep, I'm happy he's getting a break.
Jessica: I know! That little mattress was so sad. I want Christian to finally get a big-boy bed. Plus, can you imagine what a little bitch he would have been had he lost?
Heather: Those tears would have turned to fury.
Jessica: So it really was a happy ending all around.