Baby Cologne Sounds Like a Truly Appalling Product

Photo: Courtesy of Johnson and Johnson's


Sometimes babies smell. They wear diapers, they spit up, shit happens (excuse the pun). But this is expected because they're babies. We'd guess there are few well-cared-for babies that smell so bad their moms and dads actually need to do something about it. We don't normally hang out with babies, but we can't say we've ever been in the presence of a child that smelled so bad we felt offended, and if we have, we doubt that child was in its infancy. After all, how bad can something so small smell? But Johnson & Johnson would like mothers to believe we're wrong and some babies smell offensively enough they need cologne, which is why they make Baby Cologne. Yes, really. Here's the description that comes on the bottle:

Johnson’s Baby Cologne has a gentle, fresh fragrance with a pleasant combination of floral and citrus hints. It leaves your baby smelling clean and fresh. This clinically proven mild formula is alcohol free, making it just right for your baby's delicate skin.


According to Spoiled Pretty, it smells terrible. But isn't cologne meant to be smelled up close, which would mean that really only the people who are holding the baby would be able to smell it, which should be parents, with the rare exception? We don't know a lot about parenting or anything, but if parents think their baby smells so bad they need cologne, well, that just doesn't sound like a warm, nurturing relationship that leads to happy 12-year-olds. We wonder if things like this are why 8-year-olds go on diets these days.

Johnson's Baby Cologne [Spoiled Pretty]