“Feel the rain on your skin” AGAIN! Sigh. “Mindless drivel,” our boyfriend muttered, exiting the room as the second episode of The Hills came on. (Read about the first one here.) But it isn't mindless — Lauren’s in computer class at her fashion school, FIDM! And she’s wearing glasses! So there, boyfriend. Did we mention evil twin Stephanie’s in the same class as Lauren? NO WAY!
Whitney’s in New York for Fashion Week and Kelly Cutrone is a bitch to her, which is awesome. (Not awesome? Cutrone’s potato sack of a dress.) Whitney’s assigned to run the Sass & Bide fitting, and she has to stay at work until 2:30 a.m. Ha-ha, Whitney! She gives the Sass & Bide chicks some bad advice about showing tight-ass pants, and they take it. For the record, the clothes kind of suck.
Audrina tells Lauren that “it’s really, really random” that she-Pratt’s in her class. Um, no? Audrina just got home from work and is wearing quite a revealing top. We wonder if her boss approves? We’re pretty sure that Sean Kingston does.
Back in computer class, Stephanie and Lauren reconcile. This can only lead to bad things, but we’re looking forward to getting to know Stephanie’s manipulative ways.
Back in New York, Whitney kind of messes up the fashion show, but then it’s saved! Somehow, we don’t care about Whitney’s new job. At all. Cutrone tells Whitney that they’re expecting a lot from her in L.A., and off in the distance we hear an ominous thunder clap of foreshadowing.
So both Heidi and Spencer are pissed that Lauren and Stephanie are "friends," and Audrina and Lo tell Lauren to watch out for her. We love that this forbidden friendship is turning into an L.A. West Side Story. The final scene is of an idyllic lunch break in which the Capulet and Montague frolic in the campus cafeteria, reveling in their new-found love. Deny thy brother and refuse thy name, Stephanie! She is looking Arden Wohl–ish with her headband. “[Spencer] can’t hate you for being a nice person,” Lauren says to her. Oh, but he can. And he will.
And now, our Unequivocal Hills Reality Index, wherein we evaluate the most real and staged moments of the show.
As Real As Lauren Is Awkward
• Heidi’s head cold in the above episode.
• Kelly Cutrone’s face. That woman and the bags beneath her eyes are all real!
• Heidi’s lame, lame anecdote about Spencer during breakfast with Stephanie. “Spencer was like, ‘I’ll have the muscle breakfast,’ and I was like, ‘Why, because you have no muscles,’ and he was like, ‘Shut up!’” This is so the way Heidi speaks when she’s not being directed to purse her big ol’ lips.
More Fake Than Audrina's Boobs
• It's obvious but has to be said: MTV must have sent FIDM's registrar's office some pretty cool shit in order to have gotten Stephanie and Lauren into the same computer class.
• The idea that Whitney got her new job based on actual merit. We’re not sure why Kelly Cutrone wants to be on The Hills, but she obviously does.
• Heidi’s job. “Here are the files,” she robotically tells Kimberly as she hands her what we assume are papers filled with scribblings like “Heidi loves Spencer. Heidi Pratt. Heidi is a rock star!” —Emma Rosenblum
Most Viewed Stories
Josh Kushner, Ivanka Trump’s Brother-in-Law, Was Spotted at the Women’s March
Bernie Sanders Wore the Only Appropriate Outfit to Trump’s Inauguration
A Scene from the D.C. Women’s March
Kellyanne Conway Goes With a Subtle Look for the Inauguration
Here’s the Official List of Speakers for the Women’s March on Washington
15 Protest Sign Ideas for the Women’s March on Washington
Tiffany & Co. Unveils New Collaboration With NYPD: Branded Barricades by Trump Tower
Over 1 Million New York Women Will Have Access to Free Contraception and Abortions
The Complicated, Controversial, Historic, Inspiring Women’s March
The Women’s March Drew a Much Larger Crowd Than Trump’s Inauguration
From Our Partners
Who What Wear
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesCiara's Wedding Dress Was Too Big for the Chapel
To be fair, it was a 13 foot-long dress.You and Rihanna Will Both Want to Invest in Dior’s New Bag
It's got something for everyone.Polo Shirts Have Turned Their Back on Ryan Lochte
Along with his other major sponsors.Ryan Lochte Will No Longer Be Paid to Wear Tiny Bathing Suits
Speedo remains committed to transparency.Laura Brown Is the New Editor-in-Chief of InStyle
After 11 years at Harper’s Bazaar.Tyra Banks Is Going to Teach a Class on Smizing at Stanford
"If I see somebody not paying attention, I’m gonna call on them."This Floating Pier Is the Most Zen Installation Ever
Walking on water in Italy.Nation Is Appalled by Matt Lauer’s Nude Ankles During Ryan Lochte Interview
What’s the opposite of “Jeah”?8 People at the Life of Pablo Pop-up Explain Why Kanye West Is a God
"I mean, Kanye West is just Kanye West. There's not more or less you can say about Kanye West. He's just Mr. West!"A T-shirt Is Enough
Simplicity, versatility, and cool. What more could you want?
She took a perfect pencil dive off a 30-foot yacht.American Apparel Is Being Sued by Former Workers
As the company considers putting itself up for sale.A Gendered History of the Tailored Suit
From Marlon Brando to Coco Chanel.How Zendaya Developed Such Great Style at the Young Age of 19
The star's best looks from Disney to now.Proof That If You’re Chic Enough, a Little Federal Investigation Doesn’t Matter
Is this the best they could do?5,300-Year-Old Mummified Iceman Probably Would’ve Been a Street-Style Star
He had several different looks and was “pretty picky.”J.Crew Has Identified 226 Shades of Pink
Even more than there are shades of gray.Gigi and Bella Hadid Merch Is Now Somehow a Thing That Is Happening
Today in Hadidiana.Gird Your Loins for the Return of Yeezy to New York Fashion Week
The season approaches.This Indie Brand Had a Great Response to Ivanka Trump
When she bought one of their cuffs, they donated the proceeds to the Clinton campaign.