Unless you've been on a private island devoid of media for the past year or so, you are painfully aware that the Most Important Movie of Our Time opens Friday. And while we can handle the premieres, marathon rerun specials, and our copiously overexcited girlfriends' chain e-mails about buying tickets together and going this weekend, we're starting to collapse under the absurdity of press releases sent from publicists desperate to alert us to special Sex and the City–related promotions. It seems anyone trying to sell a dress, bag, or cocktail in this town believes the best way to do that is to tell you their goods are exactly what Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha would wear, carry, or drink, even though many (if not most) of these items are not what said characters would wear, carry, or drink at all. Thus, for your cringing pleasure (if only to balance out the sweetness of those Cosmopolitans you've been inundated with), a taste of some of these special marketing ploys.
1. Overstock.com offers a "kit" for a girl on a budget who wants to look just like Carrie. You see said "kit" above. We don't profess to know the habits and philosophies of fictional characters, but we suspect that if Carrie were a real woman, she'd find the idea of assembling an outfit from a "kit" to be just cause for hara-kiri.
2. eDressme offers dresses for girls who enjoy Fab Four–esque outings, "whether it is a brunch date with the girls or a night out sipping cosmos." Above, you see a sample of their offerings — dresses Samantha would "wear." You know, if Samantha were Vanna White in a cracked-out beauty pageant.
3. HBO's shop offers apparel for the girl who wants to look like a tourist. Let's decide right here and now that "Looking for my Mr. Big" is the new "I'm with stupid," okay?
4. Tobi.com offers clothes conveniently organized by which character might wear them. You see a selection of their looks above. Except for the fact that you might end up wearing a "Charlotte" tablecloth dress, we really don't mind this concept. However, Tobi.com also offers a "stylist" program that lets you chat live with someone who can help you look "more like Carrie in Paris or Miranda in the final season," for example. This service enables the crazies enough as is; let's not let them get overly specific.
5. Celebrity stylist Rachel Johnson's services can help girls look like the Fab Four and help guys get the "fabulous look of Mr. Big." See the kind of stuff she picks out above. Apparently, she also styled LeBron James for the cover of Vogue's Shape issue. We all remember how well that turned out, don't we?
6. Max and Chloe makes a "super fab" cougar necklace for necks missing that special something. We actually like this idea: It will be great for Halloween, when we dress up as Lil Mama.
7. VideoJug.com offers video instruction on how to lead your life just like the girls. Because people who are actually interested in this service don't already know precisely how to go about pursuing their delusions? Anyhow, according to the e-mail, you can learn how to "run in high heels like Carrie," "give a good-night kiss like Charlotte," and "date younger men" like Samantha. Best of all, you can learn how to power-dress without the shoulder pads. You know, we'd rather just wear the shoulder pads than watch all the videos.
8. Fireside restaurant will get you trashed with Fab Four–inspired cocktails. You're gonna need them, and they're $25 off at Fireside, with your ticket stub. Enjoy drinks specially concocted for Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda — like Charlotte's Virgin Cotton-Candy Kiss. After one of those, you'll probably want another just to forget the shame of the first.
9. eBay offers statistics on how select items have been selling in light of the movie. Oh, burning curiosity satiated! They say sales of flower accessories and handbags have increased 21 percent. And Manolo Blahnik sales are up by 64 percent. Good to know, right? Thanks, eBay. We know you were dying to jump on the bandwagon. Well played.
Most Viewed Stories
The Fashion Executive Who Doesn’t Wear Underwear on Dates
25 Famous Women on Being Alone
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
How Angelina Jolie Won the First Big Battle in Her Divorce
Prince George Has No Time for Justin Trudeau’s High Fives
It’s Time to Get Over Your White Feelings and Start Taking Action for Black Lives
The Will & Grace Reunion Was Intensely Documented for Social Media
Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of September 26
Amy Schumer Went All Out for the Kiss Cam at a Mets Game
The 6 Best Denim Shops on Etsy
From Our Partners
Who What Wear
powered by PubExchange
Latest News from The CutTom Hiddleston Caught Deep in Conversation With a Dog
Hiddleston's canine companions steal the show in his new Gucci ads.More of the Best Street Style From Milan Fashion Week
Sleeveless fur, seashell coats, and Jourdan Dunn in schoolgirl plaid.To the Eternal Relief of Amanda Chantal Bacon, Father John Misty Has Deactivated His Twitter and Instagram
Amanda Chantal Bacon’s good crystal vibes have worked in her favor.Decadent Jewels in the Midst of Destruction
Where diamonds and rubies collide with the grotesque.Desperate Tom Hanks Scours City in Search of Weddings to Crash
He’s at it again.A Brief Encounter With the Screaming Reality Stars of Marriage Boot Camp
Jim and Amber Marchese explain that alleged domestic-violence incident, while Jade and Tanner Tolbert promise to make more reality TV.Imagine Being Able to Get a Year’s Worth of Birth Control at Once
California women can, starting in January.Adele Could Not Care Less About the Brangelina Divorce
So please don’t pretend like she does.Los Angeles Police Confirm Active Criminal Investigation Against Derrick Rose
It’s separate from the civil suit, which will come to trial next week.Renowned Founder of Pussy Posse Goes to Washington
Leonardo DiCaprio met with President Barack Obama for another historic hotness summit.
We hope Château Miraval keeps making wine.Prince George Has No Time for Justin Trudeau’s High Fives
No time at all!The Couture Craftswoman Bringing Her Vision to the Street
Christelle Kocher splits her time between Chanel and her own couture-meets-streetwear line.What Fashion Anthropologists Think About the Relentless Cargo-Shorts Boom
There’s a lot going on in those pockets.Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of September 26
Mars enters Capricorn.Lupita Nyong’o Dropped a Rap Video to Celebrate Her 3 Million Instagram Followers
She debuted a short video on Instagram.Amy Schumer Went All Out for the Kiss Cam at a Mets Game
She had a kiss for her dad and her boyfriend.The Fashion Executive Who Doesn’t Wear Underwear on Dates
This week’s sex diary.Marc Jacobs’s Dog Has His Own Coffee-Table Book
Neville Jacobs, Instagram celebrity.The Will & Grace Reunion Was Intensely Documented for Social Media
Eric McCormack, Debra Messing, Megan Mullally, and Sean Hayes want you to feel FOMO.