Floored at G-Star: Heather Graham and Choreographed Models

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And now, the quick recipe for a clusterfuck as culled from last night's G-Star show: Fill the giant Park Avenue Armory with free booze and add a throng of non-fashion-industry folk; garnish with Heather Graham and assorted celebrities. But most of you probably figured that out yourselves since half of Manhattan was there. Never have we been so ungrateful for the magical powers of free alcohol! With the help of a very kind headset-wearing lady, we selfishly jumped the line, which was winding around outside, so big we'd have cried if we had to wait on it (it was the seventh day of Fashion Week — our inner diva could be suppressed no longer). As we pushed through the crowd, foreign people cursed us, our giant handbag caught on any number of things, and we nearly ate it several times — a promising start to the night indeed.

Inside the Armory, G-Star had erected stadium seating around a giant runway with three doorways at the end. Alan Cumming and Heather Graham came out before the show. They're ambassadors for the Millennium Campaign, a charity that fights global poverty, which G-Star called awareness to last night. Cumming rattled off facts about HIV, the environment, and impoverished communities while Graham numbered and named the goals of the organization. For example, Cumming spat out statistics about reproductive health. Then Graham chimed in, "Millennium goal No. 5: Improve. Maternal. Health!" She giggled breathily and bounced up and down each time she finished speaking. Maybe she was proud of herself for remembering her lines without having to look at her index cards? Or she wanted to bring an appropriate sense of lightheartedness to a speech about the sad state of our rainforests? Look — my hair bounces!

The show itself was flashy and highly choreographed. Models walked at varying speeds in random configurations. Eventually giant mechanical stairs shot up from the runway. They continued to go up and down throughout the show as select models climbed and posed on them. Speaking of posing, at one point a line of male models stopped and posed as if mid-run. It was almost like a Justin Timberlake video! But in all seriousness, the routine was complex albeit silly, and we commend the models for executing it so well. Much better than Heather Graham's save-the-world speech.