We've managed to sit through almost all of the first episode of Rachel Zoe's new reality show, The Rachel Zoe Project. Before you judge us, do know we did not accomplish this all in one sitting. Good ol' Bravo is rerunning it, like, every two hours, so over the course of a few days we've caught different bits in reruns. We were reasonably entertained in the first sitting. Bravo knows what its doing when it comes to reality TV, after all. But by the third sitting, we'd decided Zoe just isn't a very captivating individual, nor do we find her life as portrayed in the show that titillating. We also concluded her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Especially when she says "I die … I die. I die. I die. I die." The Guardian's Hadley Freeman sums up the program exquisitely:
[Zoe's] inevitable reality-TV show launched this week in the US, called The Rachel Zoe Project, a title which is pleasingly similar to The Blair Witch Project. So that's what was out there! It was Rachel's Missoni kaftan that was making that rustling noise in the woods.
And, indeed, there is much to be scared of here. Rachel's use of the English language is chillingly death-centred ("I die"; "She kills it"; "Die! Die! Die!" = Good; "Are you kidding?" = Bad) … Even scarier, though, is the revelation that Zoe is, bien sur, branching out into fashion design "so my name can be, like, everywhere. I die!" But most terrifying of all is when Zoe, who in this month's Harper's Bazaar admits that she often doesn't eat more than a grapefruit in a whole day, muses, "When am I going to have time to have a baby?" Quick, Dorothy, throw the water!
Hadley Freeman, we heart you.
You kill us, Rachel, you totally kill us [Guardian]
Most Viewed Stories
The Blaze Has Permanently Banned Tomi Lahren
Orange Is the New Black’s Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli Had a Funfetti-Inspired Wedding
Huma Abedin Is Reportedly Giving Anthony Weiner Another Shot
Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s New Neighbors Are Justifiably Annoyed
United Airlines Gate Agent Made Teens in Leggings Cover Up
Uber Execs Went to an Escort Karaoke Bar in Seoul: HR Complaint
The Girls Pregnancy Plotline Says More About Us Than It Does About Hannah Horvath
Am I Cheap If I Hate Splitting the Check Equally?
These Women Started a Company to Teach White People How to Be Less Racist
Let’s Not Call Obama Stylish Just Yet
Latest News from The CutMadame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of March 27
A new moon in Aries.Solange Discusses Intersectional Feminism in Bust Magazine
“I want women’s rights to be equally honored, and uplifted, and heard.”Kim Kardashian Really Wants to Have a Third Baby
But her doctors have concerns.Celebrities Get Angry About Airline’s Leggings Ban
Patricia Arquette has some good points.The Virgin Ignoring Texts From London
This week’s sex diary.Fashion’s Most Powerful Models Signed This Photography Book
The book Models Matter features Cindy Crawford, China Machado, and Alek Wek.Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s New Neighbors Are Justifiably Annoyed
They have some things to say about the Secret Service presence, garbage, and parking problems.Republican Defends Oklahoma’s Anti-Abortion Bill: ‘God Can Bring Beauty From Ashes’
The bill would penalize doctors who perform abortions due to “genetic abnormality,” even in cases of rape or invest.United Airlines Gate Agent Made Teens in Leggings Cover Up
According to one Twitter user who saw the event.The Blaze Has Permanently Banned Tomi Lahren
The suspension is permanent.
Oh, baby!Huma Abedin Is Reportedly Giving Anthony Weiner Another Shot
Sorry, Scandal fans.Terrence Howard Went on a Tweetstorm About Domestic-Violence ‘Double Standard’
The Empire star had some thoughts to share.Orange Is the New Black’s Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli Had a Funfetti-Inspired Wedding
Mazel tov!Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez Enjoy Working Out Together Across the Country
This time, they hit the gym in Los Angeles.Uber Execs Went to an Escort Karaoke Bar in Seoul: HR Complaint
The hits just keep on coming.Kylie Jenner Has a Blush Named ‘Barely Legal’ and People Are Mad About It
It’s getting folks “Hot and Bothered.”Hugh Grant Re-creates His Famous Love Actually Dance Sequence With a Little Help From Drake
He’s still prime minister!University of Texas Releases Rape-Survey Results
Fifteen percent of female students at UT Austin have been raped.Watch Lady Gaga Surprise and Delight Everyone on RuPaul’s Drag Race
“That’s a damn good Lady Gaga impersonator.”