The four remaining designers on Project Runway were so melodramatic last night. They all got to show in Bryant Park anyhow (so as not to spoil the show when the finale was taped weeks ago), so those tears and life-or-death attitudes were just taxing. Before Tim sets off on his one-man road trip, Heidi corrals the designers on the runway. She explains they must make a wedding dress for the first elimination round, then sends them off with $8,000 to make collections in their own homes.
We LOVE when Tim gets in his Saturn and visits everyone’s house. It’s the best part of each season because it’s so awkward, and yet no one on the show realizes it. First Tim hits Arkansas where Korto’s making her collection in a cottage in the woods. She says her green-and-yellow things with a dash of snakeskin were inspired by the nature around her and Tim is very impressed. Korto also plays her drum for Tim, who dorkily loves every second of it.
Next, it’s off to Portland where Leanne’s working on her white-and-blue wave-inspired collection in a house with her boyfriend. Tim doesn’t seem to like the clothes, which we find strange because when we looked at all the collections after Fashion Week we fell in love with hers instantly. After Tim tells her to rethink her wedding dress, Leanne forces him to ride a tandem bicycle with her into the woods. Watching Tim ride scared and stiff in his suit with a royal-blue helmet (while Leanne wears none) is his most amazing moment ever. They perch on a not-so-grassy knoll and have a staged conversation about Leanne’s childhood.
Then Tim drives to L.A. to call on Jerell. He tells him to lose the boob flaps on his wedding dress and edit his other glitzy pieces. When Tim meets Jerell’s family, Jerell tells an awkward story about turning tube socks into dresses when he was a child.
Lastly, Tim returns to the five boroughs — Brooklyn, specifically — where Kenley lives in an apartment that reminds us of an Urban Outfitters catalogue. Except instead of looking like the catalogue it just looks like a sorry attempt at the catalogue. She’s spent these past few weeks making a white-feather wedding dress that has a suspiciously McQueen look to it. Tim calls it “Fab,” and we enjoy hearing him use that word. Kenley has no friends or family to introduce him to. We'll withhold comment on that fact.
Back in New York, the designers have to make bridesmaid dresses to go with their wedding dresses. Tim likes Kenley’s navy, knee-length bubble dress. He tells Jerell his blue gown with flowers stuck haphazardly on the boobs looks sloppy. He warns Korto her dress looks like her wedding dress. Why were they the same color? Korto’s not your average bride but no
insecure average bride would do that. And Tim likes Leanne’s blue dress and loves her redone wedding dress. He cautions her to consider the hem length of her blue dress. The next day Korto’s and her bridesmaid’s dresses are short instead of floor-length. Kenley accuses them of knocking her off. Because, you know, Kenley invented that hemline, which she was a fool not to trademark.
The judges die over Leanne’s dresses. We do, too because they’re exceptionally made and exceptional looking. Michael Kors tells Jerell his model has a “flower pot growing out of her head.” Nina notices the gray tulle makes Jerell’s dress look dirty. And Heidi — in her most intelligent round of judging all season — says it looks messy.
Michael immediately calls McQueen on Kenley’s wedding dress. “There’s no silhouette like that,” Kenley protests. Despite her idiocy Michael says it’s “done beautifully” and Heidi calls it “crazy beautiful.” Still: don’t like her.
Heidi tells Korto she wouldn’t want to wear her wedding dress, which isn’t very pretty or flattering though the details are interesting. When the designers leave the runway, Michael Kors notes you could buy Korto’s bridesmaid dress anywhere. And for the first time, Nina shows her true feelings about Jerell. “All he does, Heidi, is embellish things,” she says, as though everything he makes disgusts her. She’s right, though we like him as a person.
We’re sad when the judges eliminate Jerell, but judging by clothes, it was the right thing to do.
And Tim, if you ever want to come hang out with us at work, there’s plenty of room out front for your Saturn. We can’t make dresses, but we can blog you a very pretty welcome poster. And we promise you won't have to ride a bike.
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