This week's episode opens with Audrina at work. Her friend Chiara tells her they're going to get to go to the studio with Brandy. Brandy?!? Okay, "Sittin' Up in My Room" is an awesome song, and we really, really liked it our freshman year of high school. But really, MTV couldn't find a more contemporary musician to feature on its hit show? They should have at least had Sean Kingston revisit and sweep Audrina off her feet. Anyway, we learn that Audrina is going to forget Justin Bobby for good. Or … not.
First, let's cover the more boring parts of the episode: Stephanie's absurd need to have her boyfriend "defend" her from Brody. She and Lauren chat in a fabric store about how Steph and Cameron had the boyfriend-girlfriend "talk." Lauren invites her to hang out with the gang later that night, and Stephanie agrees. Cameron will "give [her] protection" from Brody. Why anyone would willingly spend time with people who hate her is beyond us. Brody tells Lauren that he's going to warn Cameron about Stephanie's craziness; he specifically plans on saying, "Listen, homie, why don't I pull you outside and tell you some things about your little girlfriend." Brody, we know that Brandy is the special guest and all, but we think the word "homie" went out of style back when Moesha was on-air. At Crown Bar, the situation gets awkward, as Cameron feels like he has to defend his lady friend Steph (though we must say, Stephanie and her clown makeup are not looking so ladylike tonight). Brody gets there, and in the end, nothing happens. Shocking, we know. Heidi and Spencer show up later on for a hot second to make Stephanie feel bad about herself.
Onward to more interesting developments! Audrina goes on a post-Cabo date with Cory (whose Australian accent has morphed from "cute" to "grating") and he calls her out on her "romantic getaway" with Justin Bobby. Audrina remains silent and fingers her large, silver earring. Audrina then hangs with Brandy in the studio, and, we have to say, Brandy's looking good, newsboy cap and all. While Brandy croons, Audrina goes outside to speak to Justin Bobby, who somehow thinks that showing up at Audrina's workplace is a good strategy to win her back. And guess what? It is.
Justin is wearing a penislike skullcap and has a suspiciously sparkly helmet hanging from his motorcycle. He spews some classic nonsense. "We had something special. To be in a relationship, you kind of have to be, like, together. We're like a Catch-22. I will pretty much always be there for you." With this, he wins back poor Audrina's heart. What did it for her? The fact that he will "pretty much" be there for her? Or that weirdly long chain hanging down near his butt? Regardless, Audrina is successfully wooed. She quickly dumps Cory, even after he gives her a stuffed koala bear (that's the best you could do, Cory?). "I need to go back to Justin," she tells him.
We end with some sad music and a close-up on a random fire. It makes no sense, but we're happy to know that J.B. will be sticking around for a while longer.
Next week: Audrina moves out! Then our DVR cuts out. Damn.
And now, our Unequivocal Hills Reality Index:
As Real As Lauren Is Marginal
• Brody's hatred of Stephanie. We don't know where it comes from. Maybe she kicked him in the head as a kid; maybe he's secretly in love with her. But it's certainly real.
• Brandy's comeback. Oh, yeah, it's on.
• Lo's cute boyfriend. So real that he refuses to be featured on this "reality" TV show.
As Fake As Stephanie's Feelings for Cameron
• The forced gathering at Crown Bar. Poor Cameron, subject to the whims of evil MTV producers.
• The hype surrounding Brandy's comeback. Sorry, we just made that up.
• Justin's "idea" to come see Audrina at work. Yeah, right. He'd definitely be texting her at 2 a.m. if left to his own devices.
Most Viewed Stories
The Ultimate Guide to Preparing for the Women’s March
Connecticut Politician Arrested for Pinching Woman’s Genitals
The Sheer Perfection of Donald Trump’s Golden Shower
The Obamas Visited Malia and Sasha’s Old Swing Set at Its New Home at a D.C. Shelter
Donald Trump’s Retweet Was Supposed to Praise Ivanka Trump, But It Tagged the Wrong User
Pakistani Pop Star Stops Concert When He Spots Sexual Harassment
15 Protest Sign Ideas for the Women’s March on Washington
I’m Anti-Trump, But I Refuse to March
How to Live in a 150-Square-Foot Studio
The Divorced Mom Who Cries After Sex
From Our Partners
Who What Wear
The Fashion Spot
powered by PubExchange
Latest News from The CutThis Conspiracy Theory Will Change How You Feel About the Bachelor Villain
Corinne is not who she seems.Ask a Boss: How Do I Quit the Job I’ve Had Forever?
With two weeks’ notice.U.S. Abortion Rate Lowest Since Roe v. Wade
A new study from the Guttmacher Institute shows a decline in abortions.Emma Watson Declares Once and for All That Belle Is a Better Disney Princess Than Cinderella
She’s only a little biased.Judge Orders Two Scottish Soccer Players to Pay £100,000 in Damages for Raping a Woman
A judge found they raped a woman when “she was vulnerable through an excessive intake of alcohol.”All the J.Crew Michelle Obama Wore
She loves a good cardigan.Hairstylist Says She Was Asked to Do Marla Maples’s and Tiffany Trump’s Inauguration Day Hair for Free
Tricia Kelly refused the offer for “exposure.”The Worst Thing About Episode Two of The Young Pope: A Kangaroo Gift
What better gift to give the pope than a kangaroo?Los Angeles Is Adding a Sexual Harassment Hotline for Its Public Transportation Riders
They’re the first city in the world to do so.Topless Protester Disrupts Donald Trump Wax Statue Unveiling
Femen is at it again.
The show featured female-identifying artists from across the globe.The 200-Year Fight for Abortion Access
We tend to take reproductive rights for granted, but from a historical perspective, they were won almost yesterday.Donald Trump’s Retweet Was Supposed to Praise Ivanka Trump, But It Tagged the Wrong User
He found time, however, to check the tweet’s grammar and punctuation.Looks Like Kim Kardashian Is Making a Cameo in Ocean’s Eight
More proof that Kim is getting back to her old self.The Obamas Visited Malia and Sasha’s Old Swing Set at Its New Home at a D.C. Shelter
They originally offered it to Donald Trump’s family.The One With Kristen’s Comedy Show
The cast of Vanderpump Rules is never funnier than when they’re not trying to be funny.Women’s March on Washington Drops Anti-Choice Partner After Backlash
The Women’s March on Washington faced criticism after partnering with the anti-choice group New Wave Feminists.Jeff Goldblum and Emilie Livingston’s Baby Announcement Is Impressive
It’s a real balancing act.One of Kentucky’s Last Two Remaining Abortion Providers to Close Down
As of January 27th, there will only be one abortion clinic remaining in the state.Bella Hadid Got Two Incredibly Tiny Tattoos
Done by tiny tattoo expert JonBoy.