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  • 2/22/09 at 6:14 PM

Fug Girls: Live-Blogging the Oscars Red Carpet

Miley Cyrus.

7:09: Amanda Seyfried's dress might actually be oranger than we thought; she still looks cute.

7:11: Mickey Rourke looks relatively normal. You know, for Mickey Rourke. Nothing is glittery. SJP, on the other hand, is mildly glittery in what is kind of like the grown-up version of Miley Cyrus's dress. Jay Manuel says, "That is ... a lot of dress," which means that he thinks it's heinous.

7:13: Ryan talks to Amanda Seyfried; she's charming as usual. He then ushers in Amy Adams, while we get a look at Anne Hathaway, whose updo is very pretty. We need to see the rest of her dress, though. Amy is wearing a deep-red dress that might be lovely — and no fish tail! — but we're not sure about the way the skirt comes up and connects to the bodice, and we didn't get a close enough look.

7:14: Why is Melissa George at the Oscars and what is she wearing? It appears to have a giant tulle cloud attached at the bottom. We're scared.

7:16: Should Robert Pattison have shaved? Wait. DID Robert Pattison shave? What is up with Robert Pattison's facial hair? We are of the opinion that he will never again be as adorable as he was as Cedric Diggory.

7:17: Time for SJP, who tells us she's wearing Dior Haute Couture. Matthew Broderick does not look great, we're sorry to say. He also looks really bored of hearing about the Sex and the City sequel, as are we all.

7:18: There's a lot of white and off-white happening tonight; Evan Rachel Wood and Marisa Tomei are wearing almost the same color, and both dresses have a lot of elaborate pleating or other detail.

7:19: Why is Natalie Portman SO TAN? And if this is a faux tan, why does she have such aggressive tan lines? Her candy-pink dress works on her, though, but unsurprisingly, burnished-to-death Giuliana compliments her on the tan alone.

7:26: While Ryan asks Tomei about the shoestring budget on The Wrestler, she seems to ooze discomfort, and dare we say contempt? Meanwhile, Beyoncé has arrived and is in an elaborate black-and-gold dress with a fish tail. And it's strapless. Big shocker. NEVER could've predicted that, no sir.

7:28: We are upgrading our assessment of Mickey Rourke from "relatively normal" to "pretty sharp, for Mickey Rourke." He's wearing a tiny photo of his dead pooch around his neck, which is really kooky and sweet. But crazy. But nice. Meryl Streep pops out of a limo in a gray-brown, off-the-shoulder dress with long sleeves, and with a lovely updo, but that's all we can see.

7:29: Josh Brolin found out he was nominated by watching CNN. Diane Lane listens patiently in her very simple black sheath, probably wishing she could do something nomination-worthy instead of tripe like Nights in Rodanthe. Hang in there, Diane. Brolin was great in Milk, but again ... not going to win unless an accident happens. It's Ledger's all the way.

7:31: The dead-person montage is going to be EVEN SADDER this year because Queen Latifah is singing live to it. Jessica Biel arrives while Latifah is interviewed, and her hair is ... bad. It's stringy, half up, maybe falling down ... She might be this year's Cameron Diaz, which is apt, considering their Justin Timberlake connection. Maybe JT gives terrible hair advice.

7:32: Anne Hathaway's bejeweled white gown, which almost looks gold, actually, is covered in paillettes that give it a nice gleam. But it doesn't fit her as well as it could. It is so much easier to assess these things when Jay Manuel is not drawing all over them.

7:34: Marion Cotillard has arrived, but we can't see her dress (that has been the unfortunate pattern so far tonight). Ron Howard tells Ryan Seacrest that they might make the Arrested Development movie, and that they've all been asked to stop talking about it in the press. We dearly want that to be true, as we all need a little more GOB. in our lives.

7:35: Hmmm. We just accidentally misidentified Peter Gabriel as Frank Langella. Which would be more offended by that?

7:36: Ryan tells Evan Rachel Wood that he can smell her. We are all creeped out by this. She even shoots him a slight stink-eye for a second.

7:38: Jessica Biel is wearing black, closed-toe pumps with her kind of schlumpy white dress.

7:39: Giuliana literally screams when Brangelina shows up. Angie is wearing an amazing pair of green earrings, but her dress is — of course — black. We can't wait to see her speed walk past Ryan again.

7:41: Penélope Cruz is also wearing white. SNORE. But the dress itself — while a bit tight at the bodice — is kind of gorgeous. There's a lot of lovely detail on the elaborate skirt.

7:42: We scream, "OH MY GOD" in unison when Philip Seymour Hoffman shows up. HE IS WEARING A BLACK KNIT CAP. What? Why? How? WTF? He's NOMINATED. A ski cap CANNOT be for a role. WHY?

7:43: We get our first look at Kate Winslet, and we're ... not sure. It's black and gray and ... let's just say that we need to see more.

7:44: We're relieved that Angelina is at least not wearing a sack; her black dress is more fitted than we'd at first thought. Thank goodness.

7:46: We're finally getting another look at Kate Winslet. Her hair is great. Her dress is interesting. We remain undecided. It might be awesomely experimental, and it might be weird. We need to let that one percolate.

7:51: Oh, Tilda Swinton. Bless you. We react to her the way Giuliana reacted to Brangelina. She's got a black skirt and a nude blousey top that is kind of deliciously wack — or at least, compared to what everyone else is wearing, it is.

7:52: Kate Winslet pretends to be humbled by her cover of Time. Sam Mendes has run inside ahead of her, which is too bad, because her dress matches his hair.

7:53: Alicia Keys so far looks great. Her dress is sort of pink-purple, and if it's not secretly a pantsuit, we might be in business. Aha, it's NOT a pantsuit — there is a long skirt with a serious slit up the side. We feel an odd surge of pride.

7:58: Holy mackerel, Ryan got Brad. Clearly he's throwing Ryan a bone after the Globes kerfuffle. E! actually cuts into the credits to get the interview, and it lasts about two seconds — Brad makes a generic comment about how it's nice to be nominated, and politely flees. Then Robert Downey Jr., steps in to wow us all with his clean-shaven, hot face. He looks over at his wife a lot when he talks, as if trying to make sure she feels included in the interview, which is deeply endearing. We love a man who loves his wife. RDJ does cop to the fact that they're trying to get Mickey Rourke for Iron Man 2, which would be awesome.

8:01: E! coverage ends very quickly, so we switch to ABC's red carpet just for kicks and there is Tim Gunn with Robin Roberts, who looks amazing in orange (and we MAY have read it's J.Crew, but we're not entirely sure) and her growing-back short hair. We miss most of their interview with Kate Winslet, though. Newsflash: She is attractive. Next!

Actually, it looks like ABC is mostly talking to people we've already seen, so it might be time to get out all the delivery menus and contemplate how we're going to stuff our faces during the actual telecast. Thanks for keeping us company yet again!

Photo: Getty

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