March is the month of spring-fashion issues, and we're happy to report that the 2009 editions were pleasantly plump with ads, despite the ceaseless economic doom and gloom. We finally got our hands on an issue of Love, which the magazine-store man pulled out from under the counter like some sort of contraband (in case you want one, they only gave him ten copies, which he saved for his "best customers"). We pulled a few highlights from the debut issue, which we loved (save for the mini-exposé of Erin Wasson). Meanwhile, Tilda Swinton stunned in Another Magazine; French Vogue (pictured here) devoted an entire issue to Chanel; and both Esquire and Details demonstrated that men's magazines still don't know how to properly treat female models in fashion spreads. But on the bright side, Iggy Pop stunned in some of the tightest pants we've ever seen. See these highlights and more in the slideshow.
Best Celebrity Spread -- Tilda Swinton in Another Magazine
Screw Jay Manuel, who, with his E! cohorts, slams Tilda Swinton every time she walks the red carpet in an unbelted piece of Lanvin. She is fabulous and wears the Mark Fast gown, at left, or Craig Lawrence dress, at right, without letting the aggressive looks wear her. This is something at which an ANTM contestant would surely fail.
Best Props -- British Vogue
This is surely a metaphor for the Octomom. And the model must represent a call for an octonanny. Why else would she look so lost?
Worst Pose -- Elle
The only way anyone would adopt this pose in real life is if they were on some kind of drug and possibly trying to dance while lying down.
Most Vulnerable Model -- Cosmopolitan
This picture appeared with a probing analysis of "His Biggest Sex Secrets." But if this model is as underage as he looks, he probably shouldn't share the secret of his bare ass in Cosmo.
Worst Photo Concept -- Details
The shoot for this Details spread about spring accessories for men may have marked the worst and most demeaning few hours of this model's life.
Worst Spread -- Elle
This model looks like she's on her way to the crazy ward of a hospital for the layering-impaired.
Shiniest Ensembles -- British Vogue
We love clothes that shine like Mariah Carey's left ring-finger. Look for these outfits in Michael Jackson's upcoming comeback tour! (We're here all week, folks.)
Best MILF -- Alessandra Ambrosio in Elle
This woman had a baby almost seven months ago, and we want her figure almost as much as we want her Alexander Wang shoes.
Most Overexposed Model -- Erin Wasson
Erin Wasson stars in the Pinko campaign and made a cameo in the new Love magazine. In case that wasn't enough Wasson for you, she removed her top.
Least Realistic Menswear Editorial -- Esquire
This picture bothers us more than that video Rihanna did with Maroon 5, in which she is running around practically naked while the band enjoys the warmth and comfort of pants and shirts. It's also totally unrealistic -- if a guy is in the presence of a playful naked girl in the shower, he'll be in the shower.
Worst Pants for Traveling -- Flare
Good luck fitting down the airplane aisle in those things.
Most Mantastic Page -- Brad Pitt in Glamour
Now this is what we like to see -- nary a child or Angelina in sight!
Best Male Model -- French Vogue
The March issue was devoted to Chanel. Ain't no reason a dude can't rock it.
Best Body -- Daisy Lowe in i-D
Look, ma! No ribcage! Seriously, how often do we get to see a fashion model whose jutting bones don't beg to be counted? Progress!
Best Diva -- Veronica Webb in Love
Veronica Webb resurrects one of our favorite Beyonce looks of all time from her perhaps long-forgotten video for "Greenlight." Before she was Sasha Fierce. We miss those days.
Most Treacherous Location -- W
How are these models lying on these terribly uncomfortable-looking rocks with so little flesh to pad them? What happens if they slip off? How many cuts and bruises were Photoshopped out?
Most Ironic Dress -- Glamour
The headline tells us we can "look great for less money." But the model is wearing a special-order Dolce & Gabbana dress that costs many, many thousands of dollars. Details, shmetails.
Best Model -- Natasa Vojnovic in Purple
We recently shared with you a video of this shoot in which Natasa spazzes out and shrieks like an otherworldly creature before Terry Richardson's camera. We'd say he captured those moments quite well.
Most Gratuitous Hipsterism -- Purple
We never thought we'd need to say this, but cigarettes are not a substitute for a shirt.
Worst Attempt at Pimping a Ride -- Vogue
This is a new one for Vogue. They should probably stick to putting living-room furniture in fields, because this furry car looks ridiculous in a bad way.
Most Unhygienic Ad -- Hermes
Get the woman some pants.
Best Case for Ignoring 'It' Girls -- W
Peaches Geldof may be a brilliant writer, but a brilliant model she is not. And putting her in a filthy gas-station bathroom (to show how "bad" she is?) only highlights this.
Best Spread -- Iggy Pop in Love
This guy could teach Lydia Hearst a thing or two about posing. Such varied facial expressions. Such energy. Such tight pants! Bravo.
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