Even with all the jet-setting and free-booze swilling, it's easy to see how celebrities might get bored with their lives: spending ungodly amounts of time staring at themselves, flipping the same old hairdo over their shoulders as they pose for photographers, becoming convinced their bankability is connected to the richness of their spray tans. Who wouldn’t feel the urge to rebel with a drastic (yet conveniently impermanent) makeover? But R&B singer Cassie took it to another level this weekend, shearing off exactly half her mane, like she's a Barbie that ran afoul of somebody's troubled younger brother. She inspired us to evaluate how a few other famous faces are faring aesthetically in 2009, whether they’ve made a big change or done nothing at all. Hey, just because we understand the itch to change doesn't mean we can't judge it.
Scarlett's overprocessed blonde locks were looking worse for the wear and had started to wash out her fair skin. So at first we embraced her change to brunette tresses -- she glowed under light makeup and the warmer hue. But we're way less enamored when she piles on the spackle: Lately she's looked like a contestant on America's Next Top Dita Von Teese, and frankly, we were already getting bored of the original. Grade: C
Taylor spent the first half of 2008 playing the part of an adorable, fresh-faced ingenue. Sadly, at some point she decided she'd rather look like the exhausted lovechild of Joan Jett and a raccoon. We crossed our fingers that she'd snap out of this year, but, as you can see, this crisis shows no signs of abating. Is it possible that she's maintaining this look out of spite? Grade: F
When Hayden hooked up with 31-year old Milo Ventimiglia, she started favoring dowdy suits and sequined tops the likes of which you'd see on a Dynasty cougar. After all, when you're too young to drink legally and dating a dude twelve years your senior, you probably feel pressure to dress extra maturely so that people won't notice that the cradle you were plucked from is still warm. We had high hopes their split would vault Hayden back into her own sartorial age group, but so far, not even the requisite breakup bob has stopped her from coming off like a middle-aged society dame. Grade: D
We've all been in that place: One day, you hack off your long hair in a random fit of pique -- so in principle, we're unopposed to Paris ditching the length. However, we wish she'd stop anchoring her fake-looking bob with an increasingly stupid series of headbands. In the last seven weeks, we've counted at least fifteen different ones, one of which was in the style of an upside-down tiara. Memo to Paris: You are neither a flower child, a forest nymph, an Olsen twin, nor royalty from a distant, trashy land. And you look ridiculous. Grade: F
We aren't going to speculate on the surely myriad reasons Tori Spelling has morphed from looking like the Donna Martin of yore to looking like Donna Martin after a long spell in a Turkish prison. We'll just send her a subscription to the Sandwich of the Month Club and hope for the best. Grade: D+
Why would J. Lo adopt a hairstyle that covers approximately 50 percent of her pretty face? Not only is she hiding her metaphorical light under a bushel of bangs, but now we can't tell if she's happy, angry, annoyed, sexy, fierce, or about to throw the world's most formidable diva strop. How do her flunkies know when to duck? Grade: C-
On the one hand, it's like Mena Suvari has transformed herself into an entirely different person over the course of a year or so. On the other, this makeover has reminded us that Mena Suvari still exists. Therefore: Grade: A
We know that whole goth-Twilight thing is very au courant right now, but Fergie doesn't need to be jumping on anyone's bandwagon, much less one that somehow manages to make her look both older and meaner. Her original look wasn't broke, so why did she try to fix it? Grade: D
When Katie first rocked that sleek Wintour-style coif, we swooned. But then she kept tinkering, and eventually it turned into the exact same haircut of the boy we crushed on in sixth grade. (Take our word for how poorly THAT grew out.) So when Mrs. Cruise recently hid the shoddy scissorwork with hair extensions, we cheered. Yes, it was a one-day solution, but it gives us hope that Katie has finally spotted the problem and is planning a long-term fix -- and in this economy, hope is all we have. But, you know, no pressure, Katie. Grade: A for self-awareness; B+ for execution
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