You’re probably familiar with the saying, “I’d give my right arm for [the object of your desire].” In fact, just earlier this week, one of The Cut’s commenters noted that s/he would sacrifice a car in exchange for a particular Louis Vuitton jacket. After all, when you want something bad enough, there’s nothing you won’t consider trading for it: a limb, a motor vehicle, a generally disliked member of your extended family maybe even a generally nice member of your extended family. And nothing engenders that kind of self-destructive lust like haute couture. To wit, here are ten of our favorite looks from Paris's fall 2009 shows — click through and learn what, exactly, we’d be willing to swap for them. Because God knows we can’t afford to pay cash.
This gorgeous gunmetal-and-gold Gaultier is the kind of modern take on old-Hollywood glamour that Cate Blanchett would make look easy, relaxed, and comfortable, while the rest of us would be sucking in our guts and wondering if we can get free lipo if we donate the fat cells to science (or to Taylor Momsen). Still, for the chance to look like Cate Blanchett in anything, especially in this stunner, we'd accept the universe giving us at least two months of cankles and cellulite down to our knees.
2 of 10
It turns out we're totally into metallics right now. Givenchy's gold draped shirt and swingy jacket are so stylish together -- if you close your eyes, you can see Rihanna in them -- that we'll forget that we don't totally understand the bling-string that's holding it together. Is it a tribute to orthodontia? Regardless, we probably wouldn't knock out our own teeth for the right to own this look, but we'd certainly think twice about knocking out someone else's. Prison is only temporary, but fashion -- and the ability to chew food without dentures -- is forever.
3 of 10
This grey belted Dior blazer is chic, ladylike, and generally delightful. And we adore the matching hat. Would we rather wear it with, say, actual bottoms rather than just saucy lingerie? Probably. (Okay, definitely.) But if called upon, we admit that we would trade every single pair of pants we own for the chance to slip it on just once.
4 of 10
Only Karl Lagerfeld could craft a cocktail dress that resembles a pinata made of sea anemones, add patterned tights and a tulle train, and still have us daydreaming about what it would feel like to wear it while sweeping dramatically into somebody's hospital room -- or, hell, even a Barnes and Noble. Though we would not give up our health or anyone else's for a shot at this Chanel, we'd definitely be willing to quit reading for a while if the Kaiser offered us the deal. Sure, we'd miss our beloved books, but then again, it'd save us from having to buy the follow-up to L.A. Candy.
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Gold brocade! Fur collar! Poncho-inspired! Somehow this Lacroix coat manages to be both marvelously soap-operatic -- perfect to wear if you're planning on strangling someone or throwing a drink in their face -- and totally adorable. We'd happily trade the complete contents of our wet bar. We'd even toss in the stemware, though that will make our planned drink-throwing much more complicated.
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We're slightly concerned that the bottom of this neckline is lined with illusion netting, as if there's a chance that someone might decide to wear it figure-skating. Let's just pretend that's not there, because otherwise this Armani Prive gown is pretty delicious. We'd happily swap a month's worth of lunch for it. And we'd probably have to, in order to pull off something so unforgivingly form-fitting.
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Maison Martin Margiela
You never know when you're going to wake up with the urge to wear the lovechild of Scarlett O'Hara's dress o'curtains and a handful of pipe cleaners. Bless Maison Martin Margiela for seeing the need to fill that niche. To scratch this itch, we'd bravely give up a handful of spare change and two pieces of gum. Hey, we really like gum.
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We have always wanted to be the evil overlords of our own empire, so the day we slip into this Givenchy is the day we finally feel dressed for global domination. It'll probably be at the expense of our homes -- yards and detached garages included -- but we'll gladly take that deal. Once we take over the world, we're totally going to have our pick of free castles anyway.
9 of 10
In our fantasies, where life is like a Dynasty episode, we'd don this Dior for the funeral of our most hated, vicious nemeses, because nothing says "I dance on your grave" quite like a crimson dress and a hat that could give a bee the vapors. For the outfit alone we'd fork over our cars -- the reactions at the deli counter would be worth the hike to the supermarket -- but if Christian Dior could somehow provide the soapy double life too, we'd throw in every vehicle on our street and the hot tub next door.
10 of 10
We are not onboard with masks -- yet; get back to us the next time we have a zit on our foreheads -- but this intricate, edgy Valentino is an intriguing blend of Madonna and Marion Cotillard. If someone offered us the chance to test whether mere mortals can pull off this dress, we'd willingly wipe every one of Madge's songs from our iPods. That would make running 100 percent less bearable, but listen, she said it best herself: We are living in a material world, and we are material girls.