Tight pants, short shorts, fedoras, pierced septums — these trends will no longer separate one hipster from another. So they're shaving and bleaching their eyebrows! What else would they do? They can't even shave half their heads anymore — Alice Dellal and Cassie have done that. So: eyebrows. What purpose do they serve, really? All they do is keep a person from looking creepy. And if you don't look creepy, you must not be fashionable.
“I get a lot of stares,” said [eyebrow-less] Mr. Toro, who wasn’t immediately recognized by his friends that evening, his face had changed so much. “But it’s cool because they are perplexed looks instead of something hateful.”
And here we've been holding on to our eyebrows. Why? We've missed out on so many "WTF?" stares from strangers — no wonder life feels so empty, our souls so hollow. Our eyebrows have also, apparently, kept us from being part of an elite and therefore enticing hipster community, according to Mr. Toro's friend:
“It’s unifying,” she said. “There is an asexual element to no eyebrows. We are much more accepting of the ‘other’ nowadays. Removing eyebrows removes a degree of expression, which makes one look less human and more cerebral, maybe even mechanical. It’s an exercise in modernity.”
And, evidently, poetry. Of course the eyebrowless look has been in fashion magazines and on runways for years. It's the signature look of Rick Owens's shows. Prada also erased eyebrows for fall. Givenchy bleached Adriana Lima's eyebrows for the fall campaign, which helps distance her from her sexpot Victoria's Secret image. Models including Kristen McMenamy and Karen Elson are known for the look. But why is it appearing on the streets? On normal (but not really) people? The Times has the answer:
Could no eyebrows be a reflection of economic downturn? Can one be too poor to have them? Having no eyebrows is certainly a way to express oneself without buying a product.
“The economic troubles we are facing now open people up to be more daring and willing to don cutting-edge looks,” [Pat] McGrath offered.
Of course it's the economy. Except now that the trend has been highlighted with a substantial article in the "Thursday Styles" section, it's no longer cool. Hipsters will have to find something else that doesn't cost any money but will cause strangers to stare at them. Something strange enough that they'll feel united for being brave enough to do it together. Like wrapping garbage on their heads with Saran wrap. Or better yet, plucking out all their eyelashes!
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