Here you see Miley Cyrus arriving and performing at the Teen Choice Awards last night. If any star-studded event calls for divas to wear actual bottoms, the Teen Choice Awards are it. Viewers mainly consist of the nation's most impressionable league of tweens and, probably, their little sisters. This is a golden opportunity for celebrities to teach them of the glory, comfort, and fashionability of not only bottoms, but decency. And here 16-year-old Miley shows up in a skirt resembling a specialty Band-Aid, paired with towering stilettos many adults would have trouble walking in. Miley's aversion to bottoms continued during her performance, for which she wore black cutoffs with an inseam shorter than that of some underwear. Before we know it she'll be running around onstage in Lady Gaga panties with only a bra fashioned from two disco-ball halves. She's already got her bra hanging out here. If she took off the shirt, her outfit would be like the non-sparkly version of Britney's from the 2007 Video Music Awards. She's already lost the pants, so how long can the shirt last? She's already, um, dancing with the same kind of pole Britney worked in the "Gimme More" video. The girl is 16. She can certainly afford pants. We hope her mother was out buying some when she left the house in this.
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