Have you ever looked in your closet in the morning, searching for an outfit, and thought, Hmmm, today I think I’ll dress like an office worker in Warsaw, Poland? No? Neither have we, but that’s because we have no idea what office workers in Warsaw wear. Nick, however, must, because this week he used it for comparison to Gordana's unfortunate look. But for all we know, they could be a stylish lot, strolling past the Royal Castle (thanks, Wikipedia) in the kind of chic get-ups that win Project Runway challenges. You know, MC Hammer pants and nipple-showing white tank tops. Anyhow! The designers have the challenge to create a compliment piece that “enhances your best look.” They’re all shocked when they turn around to see their winning outfits onstage — ooops, except for Logan, because he never won. We immediately sense some disasters looming. Forty zippers, Logan? Really? Thirty yards of white beddinglike lining, Christopher? You should know better than that. The judges are the usual assortment of randoms, with Nick from season two, who’s now a fashion professor or something, and Kerry Washington, who’s very cute, and actually has the smartest commentary of everyone, including Nina, who’s particularly quiet tonight. Oh, and it must be pointed out (again) that Tim is really the highlight of this steadily decreasing-in-quality show. After squinting at Carol Hannah’s boring minidress, he suggests she liven it up with a different fabric, then says, “You’ve just had a major breakthrough!” as if it were her idea. Tim is the opposite of an underminer! He’s the wind beneath these contestants’ wings; he’s the hero who came along, with the strength to carry on ... when the designers are down and troubled, and they need a helping hand okay, okay, you get it. Moving along to the runway looks.
The Semi-Boring LBD
Kerry Washington calls this look “delicious,” and Nina loves the “lightness.” Are we missing something here? It’s a cute, wearable dress, but seems really basic to us. Plus, the bust area is gaping and we catch some of the model’s side-boob, which is unattractive (even on a model). Apparently, having pockets is a major plus with the judges, but again, doesn’t every dress nowadays have pockets? Whatever, it is a pretty dress, and it justifiably saves Carol Hannah for another week.
Logan – the Loser!
The Eighties Music Video on Crack
As Althea says earlier in the episode, “He thinks cause he’s cute, he can do whatever the f%&k he wants.” Not anymore! Our notes on this dress say, “What in the what??” which basically sums up this “fashion project from a student,” as Nina so derisively calls it. Heidi says it looks like “a bunch of zippers exploded.” The skirt totally clashes with the style of the torso, and overall it’s just a mess. And for that, Logan and his sexy, greasy hair are out!
Althea – the Winner!
The Balloon-Pants Hoax
Maybe this outfit didn’t come across as well on TV, because we really can’t see why the judges love it so much. “The pants were impeccable,” says Nick, even though they look like bunched-up silk sweatpants to us. “I want it,” says Heidi. The sweater does look comfy, but without it, you can totally see the model’s nips, which we’re not interested it. And Irina tries to sabotage Althea by saying she’s “surprised” by the resemblance to her Aspen design, but, ha-ha, Irina, you lose.
The Dress Made Out of Curtains
The top of this strapless dress is fine, if not a little matronly – seriously, our parents have that fabric on pillows in their formal living room – but what is up with the bottom half? Nick says it looks like “a former Russian model who married a millionaire.” Where does this guy hang out? Poland and Pravda? Nina disagrees with the consensus and says the dress looks “cheap.” Thank you, Nina! It does.
The Depressing, Drab, Old, Ugly Jacket Combo
Yikes, Gordana missed the ball on this little gray jacket with the boring black skirt. Heidi just keeps repeating the word “drab,” and as we mentioned, Nick says it reminds him of a Polish office worker. Our boyfriend says it looks like “a secretary from the eighties who bought an outfit from Century 21 that didn’t fit.” We’re not sure from where he pulled that reference, but it kind of works. Gordana ekes it out till next week, but we have a feeling she’s going home soon.
The Disproportionate Fairy-Tale Princess
Christopher pulls out all the stops with this misguided ball gown. Why does he always look SO excited when his look comes out on the runway? Temper your enthusiasm, Christopher. This dress is insane – it’s fine on the top, but then it begins to barf up silver petals and bedsheets. “There are children hiding underneath there!” says Washington, frightened. Christopher is safe, but barely.
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