That you have triumphed this year is clear. Sure, Lady Gaga exploded with all those No. 1 hits and leotards and that weird teacup. But you overcame and spoke courageously about an abusive relationship, released a new album cleverly titled Rated R, and somehow turned strips of toilet paper into a performance outfit that was actually reasonably supportive. Your love of spikes has not gone undocumented, but recently we've noticed your growing affinity for placing increasingly scary ones on your shoulders. Clearly you're an independent woman who needs neither the shoulders of others to lean on nor others leaning on your shoulders. But frankly, we're concerned, because one day a moth could fly in front of your face and you could whip your head to the side suddenly and get an earring stuck on those things. And then you could be walking around bleeding from the lobe, and okay, Gaga made that look fantastic at this year's Video Music Awards, but we'll still write you blogletters without the spikes. You enjoy pantsless looks — why not try some fur or feathered (faux if you must) garters? When it comes to fashion, safety first, please. Karl Lagerfeld will tell you that.