The American issues fixated on Valentine's Day this month, resulting in more couple spreads than even a person in a relationship can stomach. Glamour couldn't resist throwing Chace Crawford into a phone booth with a cute blonde. Meanwhile, Vogue threw Diddy and Natalia Vodianova on a train for a spread inspired by his new album, which Anna Wintour listened to and discusses in her editor's letter. However, the European issues seemed more concerned with new spring fashion; French Vogue produced a 60-page spread starring Daria Werbowy inspired by a Moroccan vacation. See those images, Anja Rubik with a snake on her face, Paul Sevigny with a cat, and more in the slideshow.
Best Editorial — French Vogue (Part One)
French Vogue showcased spring's best clothes in one massive 60-page editorial depicting models on a Moroccan vacation. Daria Werbowy's sequence with her new foreign friend is great because he seems to be so annoyed with her.
Best Editorial — French Vogue (Part Two)
Faces covered, asses out. Take that, Morocco.
Best Use of Shrubbery — W
Straddle a tree, stab yourself in the neck, look sleepy while doing it. All in a day's work.
Best High-Fashion Muppet Costume — Muse
This look is Rodarte. But with the wig, she looks like an overgrown Fraggle who got lost returning to the Rock, accidentally ventured above ground, and grew human skin in the sunlight.
Best Reason Not to Be a Model — Harper's Bazaar
Two words: bush probes.
Freakiest Use of Animals — Muse
Canine feet in the crotch and raccoon paws in the mouth. Fun.
Most Puzzling Celebrity Portrait — Jessica Biel in Vogue
In her editor's letter, Anna Wintour talks about how lovely Biel is, and how she wishes a fashion house would take her in as a muse. Yet they shot Biel in dirty overalls, leaning against a goat.
Best Celebrity Cameo — Chace Crawford in Glamour
His expression for both of these absurd scenarios is perfect: "I'm in a phone booth. WTF?" "I have to stand in the window while she humps my neck and grabs the curtain rod while wearing socks and sandals and a top hat. WTF?"
Best Model — Anja Rubik in French Vogue
Most people wouldn't look sexy with the fangs of a giant snake inches from their eyeball, but Anya Rubik seems turned on. Such a pro.
Best Vintage Divas — Grace Jones and Donna Summer in Vanity Fair
It's hard to argue with scantily clad singing ladies in go-go boots and sparkly outfits. It's the one thing that saved Nine.
Worst Disco Ball — InStyle
Welcome to Disco Awkward, in which Keri Hilson wears a teacher's outfit and tries to teach the accordian-playing flea market manager a geography lesson with the mirror ball she mistook for her globe.
Best Outfits — Italian Flair
Those McQueen shoes get us every time. And the even-freakier star breast plate is just freaky enough to work.
Worst Denim Spread — Teen Vogue
Zack Morris called — he wants his tops back.
Best Stripper Heels — Muse
Sure to remedy low recession tipping.
Battiest Styling — Italian Flair
Sometimes looking like you got dressed after downing a bottle of wine and a Xanax really pops in magazine pages. This spread offers every debatable spring trend at once: ugly denim, a fanny pack, bras over shirts, logos, knee pads, high-rise bottoms, and hair on only half the head. Impressive.
Best Hat — Japanese Vogue
If you walk out of the house this spring and a glitter lobster is not about to eat your face off, turn around and go home, because you forgot something.
Best Ad — Dolce & Gabbana in Esquire
They're wearing sparkly suits, worshiping Adam Senn, and checking out each other's behinds. Who needs bare chests?
Crustiest Outfit — Italian Flair
Someone doesn't want people rubbing up on her on the subway.
Worst Pants — Nylon
The return of pants is thrilling, but what happened to styles that can't fit pets in the crotch?
Best Gratuitous Man Candy — Glamour
Finally, a Valentine's Day couple that doesn't make us nauseated. He's hot, sure, but best of all looks like he wants nothing to do with Katy Perry.
Best Wallflower — Baptiste Giabiconi for Fendi
Look closely at the background and you'll notice Baptiste parting the trees like Moses behind Anja Rubik.
Worst Use of Cat — Muse
The most important purpose this feline serves is to distract from the sadly unretouched view too far up Paul Sevigny's shorts.
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