The all-too-common scenario of that sweaty guy plopping down next to you, of all people, on the subway and stinking up your commute may soon be less frequent — or at least not as smelly. “Smart” fabrics that wick sweat and eliminate body stank are now being used for more than just gymwear: Brooks Brothers is reportedly in the process of developing a line of suits that will keep their wearers from getting clammy armpits during a stressful meeting or a particularly strenuous day on the trading floor (no word yet on what they can do about sweaty handshakes, but oh well).
But if you thought deodorizing technology was fancy, it gets so much better: Researchers at the North Carolina State University’s College of Textiles are in the process of developing a “performance-fiber” that can monitor blood pressure, pulse rates, and “signs that a wearer is falling down,” according to The Wall Street Journal. Why someone would need their shirt to inform them that they’re face-planting remains a mystery, although not nearly as mysterious as how this technology actually works. But falling down is generally hilarious, as long as no one gets hurt, so thumbs-up to anything that gives the process some flare.