Last night at the 69th Regiment Armory on Lexington Avenue, the very same venue Marc Jacobs shows each season, Victoria's Secret turned everything pink, red, and gold for the annual holiday marketing push that is the fashion show. Since this is a made-for-television event, the audience seating is very nice and red monotone, lit by matching red lamps, as though it were a Las Vegas showing of girls. And what grand showgirls they were! High kicks the "28 most beautiful women in the world," the announcer told us several times as we waited for showtime, did not do. But they beautifully maneuvered with their monstrously huge wings, without falling or knocking over any props, backup dancers, Katy Perrys, or Akons that made up this year's bra spectacular. Though some of them looked to be leaning forward a little bit to carry all that weight — of the wings, not their own bodies — down the runway. See highlights of the world's most fun annual fashion show in the slideshow!
Adriana opened the show, her bosom bursting forth from a cage also housing dancing ballerinas. Her virtually no-carb diet and two-hour-a-day workout regime in the six weeks leading up to the show were visible in her rippling muscles.
Adriana, who is great at making extra movements on the runway with her arms and hands to really bring those underpants alive for the cameras, also made an exit in the $2 million dollar diamond bra.
Katy Perry Et Al
Not every woman would relish being on that stage in front of a pack of those boobed Amazonian limbs.
Isabeli closed the sports-themed section of the show with a giant — and shiny, most importantly — barbell, pumping it above her head with those bulging deltoids, to the delight of front-row guest Vin Diesel most of all.
The show is not entirely one-sided. Shirtless male backup dancers did backflips in perfect unison with remarkable symmetry! The physical athletic expression of an Angel's body itself!
She actually seemed a little unsure of how big to make her arm motions with the streamer in her hand. It was a bit superfluous considering she had them coming out from her back in all directions, like she just burst out of one of those snake-in-a-can things.
Minus the bra and heels, Hulk Hogan must have worn this in a match at some point.
That look on her face? She's tasting her own deliciousness.
To this day it remains a mystery how she escaped the backstage holding area with so much skin covered.
Anja and guest performer Akon did an excellent job of not tripping on her wing tentacles. This was also the perfect way to sweep the runway without any unattractive cleaning crews.
Oh, now how many of Roberto Cavalli's rare zebra-peacock hybrid zoo creatures have to die for one woman to get her wings?
Speaking of peacocks, Karolina emerged from behind the cardboard trees in the tribal-meets-Zelda section of the show without knocking any of the trees over. Her complex on-foot maneuvers were the work of a true and well-rehearsed professional.
You can't tell in this photo, but her lacrosse stick was sparklier than the runway or anything Katy Perry has ever worn. It was the most divine sporting utensil we've ever seen.
These wings look like something straight out of that How to Train a Dragon movie.
Wen walked the show for the second year in a row as the only Asian model. She wore a completely sheer dress, we'd suppose you'd call it, with a thong underneath.
In case you needed confirmation cellulite was banished from this thing.
There was a fun moment toward the end of the show when bubbles came spurting out from the sides of the stage, and the girls had to walk through swarms of them without flinching. Chanel not only ROCKED the bubble wings (Gaga shout-out — SAY WHAT) but had a bubble gun of her own to threaten the cameras with.
Gingham! The ladies can picnic on those after the show. Oh wait.
It's unclear what she was doing here — aside from looking very chic and well ventilated.
Eh, why not?
His presence here still does not make up for making out with the tranny.
Man, we are not used to seeing her among so much pink. She's looking fabulous nonetheless.
He managed to look thoroughly confused throughout the program.
All the cheering he did from the front row made up for all the cheering most people declined to do.
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