This Is for Everyone Who’s Ever Been Coerced by Ski People


Every winter, the same thing happens: "You don't SKI?" "No, I'm from Texas. I don't like being cold and having to do something in it where I will probably fall down." "[Snorts, huffs.] Everybody SKIS." "No, they don't. In fact, I'm a winter snorkel." But eventually the Ski People — or a Ski Person who is very dear to you — gets their way. And there you end up, on a mountain, with two flat rods strapped to your feet, ankles imprisoned and immobile, wearing something absurd, freezing your ass off, with little children whizzing by you like dolphins in a warm surf. Warm surf! you think, longingly. Why did I agree to this? Maybe the person you love, who you went there for, will breeze into view at this moment, making it all better. Or maybe you'll throw down the poles and hit the bar — like Elle's Joe Zee, who, in a true act of chivalry, subjected himself to the ordeal that is skiing for a little vignette from his new show All on the Line. He is quite inspiring.