For an event celebrating the late designer Alexander McQueen, Monday's Met Gala saw far fewer women sporting McQueen than we would have anticipated. Do you think they all woke up Friday morning, cursed Kate Middleton — sorry, "Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge" — for making it impossible to compete with her, and then begged their stylists to find a plan B? Let's hope so, because it's the easiest explanation (short of hysterical blindness) to explain some of this year's fashion choices. Come take a look at our short list of bests and worsts from the night, including a sequined jumpsuit that may surprise you — in that we kind of want to marry it.
Most Likely to Come With Complimentary Claritin: Jennifer Lopez
The color of Jennifer Lopez's dress is fantastic, and the dress itself might be pretty … but who can tell? Can you see anything other than the fact that she's wearing a Rose Parade float as a shrug? Neither can we.
Least Seasonal: Mary-Kate Olsen
Mary-Kate Olsen is demonstrating the alarming truism that, boy, they really do get out the Christmas decorations earlier and earlier each year.
Most Surprising Misstep: Freida Pinto
Freida Pinto spent the entire year surrounding Slumdog Millionaire hitting it out of the sartorial park, making her the last person you'd expect to show up at a major event wearing a converted nightgown accessorized with a tie. Worse, this isn't merely hideous, it's also the same weird Colonel Sanders–redux look multiple other women have already sported over the last several years. If you're going to wear something awful, at least make it awful and new.
Biggest Waste of Effort: Beyoncé
We saw this and were like, "Hey, look, Beyoncé in a fishtail gown; there must be oxygen in the air." But in truth she could've worn a shopping bag, with the groceries still in it, and we wouldn't really have paid attention — we're still too hypnotized by the mighty shrubbery growing on her husband's once-famously-bald pate. Who does he think he is? Nigel Barker?
Least Arachnophobic: Christina Ricci
Is Christina Ricci a secret investor in Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark? Because although this look is dramatically reminiscent of something you'd find on the antagonist in a lesser Wharton novel, it also appears to have been made entirely out of spiderwebs. We feel itchy just looking at it.
Best Awesome: Iman
It's not like us to clap like giddy children at the sight of a gold gleaming jumpsuit, much less one that is eating the wearer's feet. But just look at Iman and try to deny that she's rocking that thing. See? You can't. Because she is. This must be one of the benefits of being Iman. Others include free David Bowie concerts, having only one name to mess with, and of course, being Iman.
Best Multitasking: Demi Moore
While Demi Moore is waiting for that callback for Four Royal Weddings and a Funeral, she can run laps around the house and zap all those nasty cobwebs forming on the ceiling. It even leaves her hands free for Twitter. She should patent it.
Worst Multitasking: Lucy Liu
If Demi is sporting a formal duster on her head, then Lucy Liu is wearing the gown version of a drive-through car wash — except less useful, because you can't actually fit an SUV through her torso.
Best Palate Cleanser: Zoe Saldana
At an event where everyone seemed to have decided that more was more, Zoe Saldana's clean, understated yellow Calvin Klein felt completely fresh — and totally refreshing. Thank God someone saw the value in not going overboard.
Prettiest Princess: Ashley Greene
It was a stroke of PR genius to put Ashley Greene — who's still best known as "one of the girls in Twilight who isn't Kristin Stewart; no, not Anna Kendrick" — in such a classic, girly frock. This isn't something we haven't seen before (it reminds us a bit of Anne Hathaway's dress from the previous Met Gala), but that doesn't detract from how smashing she looks in it.
Most Deranged Dynasty Escapee: Fergie
This makes us want to withdraw entirely from society and join the Amish, so as to never run the risk of seeing Fergie in this dress ever, ever again. It's what you would get if Aaron Spelling had been hired to costume the "November Rain" video. We might have forgiven her if she'd brought Slash along instead of Josh Duhamel, but as things stand: This is a no go.
Best Toga: Blake Lively
We say this grudgingly, because Blake Lively's gown could also have been the worst toga, given that it appears — mercifully — to have been the only toga in attendance at the Met Gala. So why didn't we go for the jugular? Eh, she'll surely come to regret this more than enough one day. T-minus three seconds … two … one …
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