Can You Guess Which Excerpt Lady Gaga Wrote for Her New V Column?

This is Lady Gaga, possibly covered in mucus. Photo: Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

Here's a game: Can you tell which excerpt below is Lady Gaga's real new V column, and which is the fake one?

Here's option one:

You don't speak German but you can if you like. It is this empowering notion of magicalness that makes my heart soar on the gilded wings of my thoughts, into the lightening bolts of creativity that have defined the art in heart. The art of my heart, of my truest self, is not a wig or an eye liner or a pair of platform patent leather boots from a stripper shop in the Lower East Side, or the cocaine-crusted coffee table from the hallows of my past. It is that captivating feeling I get when I am sitting in my tour bunker, staring at the pendulum in my grandfather clock as it swings back and forth, from one extreme to the other — from the utmost right-ness to the utmost left-ness — ultimately melding into one fluid ticktock. That is my soul, my inner-ness, my light.

Here's option two:

In this lies one of many books in the Bible of Fashion: in order for the FANTASY OF YOU to become the REALITY OF YOU, you must commit to the fantasy as wholeheartedly as you commit to your humanness. Wear out your vision. Proclaim your mission. Amen, Fashion! Style can transform and release your internal superstar. Whether it be one pair of shoes, some vintage sunglasses, a family heirloom, or a hair color that makes you feel as electric on the outside as you do on the inside. Acknowledge that this choice is a manifestation of an internal magic and the potential of your spirit. You are fan-tas-tic. And this fantasy is part of the real and honest you. It is a lie inside, waiting to be unlocked to become true. Scheiße. I just spoke some German.