America's Next Top ModelKristin Cavallari Season 17 • Episode 3
This week’s episode was rather morose and filled with ennui, almost as if the news of André Leon Talley's departure from the show had traveled back in time to put a cloud over everything. In a sad, but no doubt truthful indication of the level of post-show “fame” the contestants can hope to achieve, Kristin Cavallari shows up to impart advice. Which is basically that haters gonna hate. She has a shoe line though, and she's on Dancing with the Stars, so it’s okay!
For the first challenge, the remaining twelve All-Stars are split evenly into two teams, to be interviewed by Mario Lopez and his swoon-worthy dimples for a not-actually-real episode of Extra. There’s a big (and silly) twist: the winning team gets immunity at this week’s panel. That’s high stakes, but clearly not high enough to stop Lisa from acting like a crazy person in neon leggings at the taping, blathering incessantly, high-fiving her team, and interrupting them all regularly with far worse word-vom than her competitor, Bianca, claims to be afflicted with. So her team loses, and Angelea doesn't take it well — she has a little tantrum on the ride home post-challenge and, in response to Nigel's crit that she'd acted too conservative, promises to bring the "hood bitch" after all. Clearly, someone needs a new brand catchphrase.
In teams again, each comprised of two contestants, the photo shoot involves posing on stilts in cheap leotards. It could — with the caliber of these All-Stars from an entertainment perspective — have been amusing, but fell flat. Perhaps because no one really did fall flat — they all had safety wires to keep them up. Boo. To be fair, some of the more adventurous folk do stumble around a good bit. But Bianca’s fervent fear of heights leaves her almost unable to take part, and she has a good cry fest in the bathroom (new judge Kelly Cutrone would approve). Jay Manuel, who's in a really foul mood this week, gets snarky with Shannon over a leotard that really was far more revealing than panties, and says someone was resembling Kristen McMenamy in the face on film. Having seen all the shots at judging, that last point is just not true at all.
Tyra’s latest made-up word came to light at judging this week: tooch. This refers to, when in a pose, sticking your butt out but also up (it’s something to do with an arch in the spine) so that it’s all shapely and pert. Having tooch is a good thing you see, and judge favorite Allison, despite being visibly appalled by the term, has it. (Kristin Cavallari does not.) In other fun–scary comments, A.L.T. refers to Lady Gaga's style as a high-fashion comparative, and says he would hang Dominique’s photo in his salon — but only after cropping out Kayla, her teammate at the shoot. Nigel also asks Lisa, with seemingly no trace of irony, if she ever takes photos with her legs closed. She’s insulted; she’s also wearing pants with bright pink fringe at the side seams.
Before announcing the eliminee, Tyra declares the shoot, this stupid hammy-poses-on-stilts shoot, one of her favorites — not only because she considers the photos high caliber, but also because the girls are special. (And somewhere in Paris, cycle ten alum Fatima Siad is thinking, "Well, that's rich.") Though apparently neither of their photos were the worst overall, of the six girls vulnerable this week, Isis and Angelea were deemed the weakest. Angelea gets a reprieve, though she's told she has to balance her sass with some “polish and sandpaper,” which is silly, because she isn’t a carpenter, she works in a bank. And although it's an early exit again for Isis, at least she gets to leave wearing a nice funny hat.