In case you were wondering where all the butt cheeks have been hiding this Fashion Week, we have the answer for you: Avril Lavigne's show, Abbey Dawn. Every time we looked up, some model's rear end was hanging out of the bottom of her short-shorts. It was in keeping with the classy vibe of the entire event, which was sponsored by the following: some kind of canned coffee drink that looked like the cousin of Four Loko; the New York Post; a line of bedazzled earphones; vodka; lipstick; and a tooth-whitening product. We were just thinking that we wanted to get drunk and whiten our teeth, so this show came at exactly the right time.
The spectacle also felt like it was brought to us by E! and the Kardashian family, seeing as the audience was packed with Kardashians, Kardashian step-brothers (Brody Jenner, who is dating Avril Lavigne and who also spent the entire show chewing gum and drinking a glass of white wine at the same time), Keeping Up With the Kardashians/Kourtney and Kim Take New York crew members, and random Kardashian enthusiasts, all there to cheer on Kylie Jenner, who was walking in the show. The first Kardashian-adjacent we saw was Kris Humphries, who was wearing what looked like an undershirt and who ambled through the venue followed by a reality crew, looking completely unfazed by the fact that he was being trailed by a dude with a boom mic while he innocently checked out tooth-whitening pens. He was the only Authorized Kardashian Escort in the house — Lamar (and consequently Khloe) was missing, as were Scott Disick and his cane. Kris the Husband (as opposed to Kris the Mother, which has got to be confusing), seemed to chat with Brody Jenner, who sat to his left, way more than than he did with his treasured bride on his right side — the boys seemed to legitimately like each other, which was actually kind of sweet. They also seemed to concentrate way more on the show than Kourtney, Kim, and Kendall did — perhaps they were mesmerized by the butt cheeks?
The girls, for their parts, seemed a bit bored when their sister wasn't on the runway. While the rest of the audience couldn't help but bob their heads to the soundtrack — Avril's greatest hits, natch, the collection of which reminded us that we secretly enjoy Avril's greatest hits — Kourtney and Kim spent a lot of time tweeting/texting/reading articles about string theory on their phones, mostly looking up merely to cheer whenever Kylie took to the runway. In their defense, those cheers seemed genuinely supportive and enthusiastic, and perhaps the Ladies Kardashian simply aren’t in the market for Avril's line of hoodies and bikini bottoms. And in Kylie's favor, she stomped through those whoops and cheers like a professional, managing somehow to ignore the fact that the show sounded sort of like a high-school graduation. Further, to point out the obvious, it's not like any of us were under the impression this was much more than a vanity exercise for anyone involved anyway.
Regardless, it was surprising to note how tired both Kourtney and Kim looked. Kourtney may have been weary of the fact that someone had apparently forced her to wear a ridiculous headband, and Kim is surely exhausted from the whole Marriage of the Century thing, but you'd think they could have managed to resist falling into Thousand-Yard-Stare territory for at least most of the show, especially considering that their cameras were on them the entire time. Maybe Taking New York is more trying than it seems. At least during episodes six through nine, anyway.