Sometimes we’re embarrassed by our ability to identify celebrities — that seems like brain space that should be taken up by, say, whatever we were supposed to learn in high school Biology, or what day of the week it currently is — and other times we’re embarrassed when said ability fails us. For example, at Chris Benz’s presentation on Monday afternoon, we turned around and saw the pink-haired designer hugging a woman whom we noted on our memo pads simply as “Twilight Mom. Bangs?” That is terrible. We blame the heat. We’re sure Elizabeth Reaser — whose name we finally did remember, albeit ten minutes later — would rather the sum of her life was not a vampire movie and the state of her hair, but hey, at least those words eventually got us where we needed to be. Ms. Twilight Bangs did spend a few minutes shrieking with Sophia Bush about Sophia’s shoes — the same as Reaser’s, but in a pattern — so maybe Elizabeth can finagle a final-season cameo on One Tree Hill and thus win a permanent place in our memory banks.
Unfortunately for Bush, as she posed for a photo with Eva Amurri and Kelly Osbourne, it was a touch of “one of these things is not like the other one.” Amurri had on a really flattering, flowing black-and-white print dress; Kelly — wearing a mustard coat — won us over with huge teased-up hair that vaguely resembled the dramatic coifs on Benz’s models; and Bush unfortunately looked as though someone had told her she’d be sitting behind a desk all day, wearing an interesting blue-and-black top and black undershirt paired with a pair of torn white denim shorts more befitting a house painter or a pool boy. We might have forgiven her had she brought us a cocktail from the open bar — isn't that what people mostly ask their pool boys to bring them? — but as we remained empty-handed, so do our eyebrows remain raised.
Jordin Sparks fared a bit better in her shorts, which were at least fabric-appropriate with her sparkly beige sweater. Sparks has gotten a lot of publicity for her recent slim-down, and we’re happy to say that in person she looks very healthy and fit, as if she has hit exactly the correct goal weight. “I stopped snacking,” she told reporters of her diet secrets. That’s never going to work for us. Sparks did say that she’s felt a renewed interest in fashion now that she feels better about herself: “When you put something on and feel really good in it, you just automatically stand up stronger.” Then she paused, and we heard her add, “But if I could get to, like, Gwen Stefani or Fergie level, I’d be pretty happy.” Honey, you look great the way you are. Fear no cheesecake.
The winner of the Chris Benz Shortsapalooza, though, was Johnny Weir. The skater was clad in shiny green brogues that he deliberately matched to his eye makeup, a blazer, short-cuffed shorts, and a long white shirt that billowed even longer in the back, sort of half-pirate (is that in for spring?) and half Von Trapp child. The whole thing was so nuts it came back around to being resplendent, and he appeared to be having a blast in it. “I love a short-short,” he told us. “But it wasn’t even me that picked this out. Chris tells me what to wear, what bag to carry, everything. He knows my whole wardrobe.” As someone who had to start early to get to the Olympic level in his skating, we asked for his take on the debate surrounding whether models are starting too young these days. “If they’re a fetus being chucked down the runway, then they’re too young,” he said. “But kids nowadays are so grown up, they’re like 40 by the time they’re 7, and so if they know what they want and what they want to do, then they should do it. I mean, I was a 40-year-old man when I was 12.” He grinned. “I’m aging in reverse.” In that case, we opined, he should make another run at the Olympics. “God willing,” he said, then played coy when we asked if he had any killer new costume ideas. “Maybe,” he said, batting his eyelashes at us. “No spoilers, but lots of sparkles.” Just the way we like it.