There’s so much we don’t understand about what happened in the front row at Hervé Léger on Tuesday. Our initial confusion stemmed from why the noted shoe-averse actor Thomas Jane was in attendance at a show focusing exclusively on bandage dresses better suited to the starlets who sandwiched him. Then, we wondered how Jane, so often barefoot on public pavement and red carpets alike, had been coerced into wearing shoes — and, thus, to whom we should address the thank-you note. Next, we scratched our heads over the identity of the familiar-looking blonde by his side (she proved to be Kaitlin Doubleday, a not-at-all famous actor). But the real puzzler came as the clock hit 2:38 p.m. — a common actual start time for 2 p.m. shows — when the press finally dispersed and retreated to its corners, security guys finally began uncovering the runway, and Jane finally
leapt up and strolled nonchalantly backstage. “Wait, he LEFT? What is HAPPENING?” we hissed to each other as we tweeted like the wind. What was the matter? Shoes too tight? Bladder too full? Had someone only just told him that Herve doesn’t make bandage man-pants? We weren’t the only ones puzzled; a behatted PR girl scooted over to his seat, paled, appeared to whisper, “Where did he go?” at Kaitlin and her seatmate, True Blood’s Janina Gavankar, and then made an amused “WTF” face as the lights went down and she hurriedly filled his seat. Yes, they started without him. As the girls in the front row choked back giggles, we settled in to watch the show, assuming that it would just be a one-act comedy.
But no. That was just the intermission. After several models had come out and the show was in full swing, we heard an angry roar and some whistles rising up from the photo pit. We looked up and noticed that Jane was "sneaking" down the stairs in our section, "surreptitiously" stepping onto the runway (!) and then scuttling back to his seat in the middle of the front row, parking himself on the lap of the seat filler until she could escape. No, you did not just huff some hallucinogens: He CAME BACK INTO THE SHOW. VIA THE RUNWAY. WHILE MODELS WERE ON IT. Apologies for the caps lock, but IT IS NECESSARY. If this is what the warm feel of shoe leather on his instep does to Jane's decision-making, then we invite him to remain shoeless for all eternity. Wait, never mind — this was so entertaining that we are eager to see what madness he stumbles into next. God willing, it will involve sitting on Anna Wintour’s lap next time.
The thing is, the front row was actually very well-stocked; although, after Jane Err we couldn’t remember any of them until we looked at our notes. The towering Aisha Tyler was as pleasant as ever, noting that she only takes about an hour to get ready for events “because I’m trying to lead a real life.” She sat next to Taraji P. Henson, who in turn was beside boobalicious blonde Ashlee Simpson (are those new, or was her bra just that good?). The Leger show also brought our first Jessica Szohr sighting — and we were just talking about her, too; maybe we our acid tongues really can conjure people, in which case, we better see Jon Hamm modeling for The Blondes later this week — as well as Katie Cassidy, French actress Roxane Mesquida (whose red dress was so short she was obsessively smashing her clutch over her crotch to block the view), Selita Ebanks, and, randomly, former ER actress and current-and-forever knockout Michael Michele. Oh, and some blonde country singer (seriously, at this point we’re so weary of having to find things to say about LeAnn Rimes, we find ourselves wishing it were Shonda Rhimes. Or better, Busta. Make that happen, Fashion Week gods).
But even after the show, all the talk was about The Thomas Frown Affair (We’re sorry. We couldn't resist). On our way out, we passed Gavankar and Doubleday as they met up with their handler and waited for Jane. “What was that?” the handler asked, bemused. “Only the best thing that’s ever happened in the history of Fashion Week,” Gavankar exclaimed. Well, it might be tied with that time 50 Cent punched some guy in the face for stealing his seat at Baby Phat; but, unlike that incident, we hope that this one, much like The Love Boat, gets another run.