The Rachel Zoe ProjectRodger Goes to Vegas and Rachel Moves Out Season 4 • Episode 4
Leave it to Bravo to explore straight-man culture with brutal irony and a downright inability to make it look sanitary. Last week on The Rachel Zoe Project Rachel granted Rodger permission to go to Vegas for 24 hours to watch the Super Bowl and be with his bros in a sort of last hurrah before he becomes a father. Don't people tend to have babies (in a planned way, at least) when they're ready to not do that kind of stuff anymore? Anyhow, this week Rodger, because he is a Girl Next Door, charters a private plane with his fellow straights and rents a suite at the Palms — the extra-sexy kind with a hot tub on the balcony. Mr. Rachel Zoe makes a big show of getting wasted and being a high roller with such earnestness that Bravo ironically cut the footage as though it was The Hangover, which Rodger even told Rachel he was dying to re-create. After we see the man-boys land in Vegas and make a toast to Rachel and the fetus, we cut to the men in the morning with piles of takeout containers all over the hotel suite, looking mole-eyed, and talking about how they can't believe they can't remember how this happened. Is this the new fantasy of the late twenties to middle-aged man? To be Bradley Cooper in The Hangover? Maybe it beats wanting to be Bradley Cooper in Limitless. More lessons from last night's episode start now.
Things We Learned About Life
• Rachel, who is right: "I have to let Rodger go to Vegas because I'll come off as this bitchy, pregnant wife if I don't." A woman who has the power to "let" her significant other do things is always in a win-win situation, no matter what she "lets" the other person do.
• Rodger, who is wrong: "Let me explain something very clearly: You don’t need a reason to go to Vegas." Actually going to Vegas is all about reasons for being there. People go either to avoid reckoning with commitment (bachelor parties, pre-fatherhood trips) or entering midlife (thirtieth birthdays or, in a very sad circumstance, fortieth birthdays).
• Men who say they don't go to strip clubs or would never go to strip clubs do go to strip clubs. Rachel says Rodger genuinely hates strippers and stripper culture, but Rodger ends up at a strip club anyway. Rodger doesn't look like he's having a very good time at the strip club, but then again, Bravo doesn't let us see much of what happened there. Probably they did him a favor by not showing much more than a few seconds of it, because it would have been very unfair to Rachel to show him ogling and getting rubbed on by the strippers while she is home with Joey, her Stella McCartney blanket, and Twilight DVDs.
• Hot microwave popcorn melts nail polish? Really? Does Rachel get gel manicures? So many questions.
• If your man is in Vegas, don't stay home with DVDs, popcorn, and your best friend Joey. Go out and party. Rachel gets a pass because she's pregnant, which is why, next bullet:
• Men shouldn't go partying in Vegas when their wives are pregnant! Because the wives (the ones who take their pregnancy seriously, at least) can't get back at them by going out and drinking and partying themselves.
• If you are in the unfortunate circumstance of having to let your husband go to Vegas while your pregnant, there is always the daytime revenge. "I just dropped a shit-ton of money at the vintage show," Rachel says the next day while Rodger is trying to drink more while he watches football.
• Conversations among packs of drinking straights are too often cringe-worthy. "I cannot wait to bring my son to Vegas," Rodger announces to his bros during a toast. His friend, who really must think he's on Spike TV, adds that hopefully this child of Rachel Zoe's is "masculine." Other things Rodger said to his friends include, "I’m like, babe, I’m just trying to get fucked up!" He was never really "like" that to Rachel, but anyway, another of his Vegas catch phrases was, "It’s like a baptism — I wash it all away and I come back and I’m ready to be a daddy. And Vegas up, bitch!" Vegas. Up. Bitch.
• If you do leave your pregnant wife for a day to eat takeout at four in the morning with your dude friends in a sexy Vegas hotel room, you should make it up to her by buying her something that's either designer or made of diamonds. Rodger, rather than go shopping for Rachel's gift himself, asks the concierge at the Palms to buy something for him. To be fair, if he had gone out personally to select something, that pile of cold nachos wouldn't have still been there when he returned.
• Being pregnant has a calming effect. So calming for Rachel, in fact, that she doesn't even care about missing Fashion Week for the first time in ten years.
• How hot is a man who can take care of business and deal with strangers about important life things? With things like leaving your cell phone in a taxi, or your movers being late delivering your furniture, or your landlord not giving your security deposit back — it's nice to have a guy like Jeremiah around who can deal with people in those situations effectively without unnecessarily being an asshole, as he does when his movers are late.
Things We Learned About Fashion
• Birkin locks are very good gifts for Birkin-owning people. You can guess by the fact that I'm writing this recap that I am not a Birkin-owning person, but Rachel seems very happy with the Birkin lock Rodger had the concierge buy for her in Vegas. Trinket though it may seem to non-Birkin people, you know if it weren't enough to make up for the trip, she would have made Rodger feel really bad about it.
• Even clothing professionals don't know how to pull off backless dresses without bras. Rachel, now that she has "boobies" doesn't know how she's going to wear one of the backless pieces she bought at the vintage show because she can't wear a bra with it. If she doesn't know how to make that work out, what hope is there for the rest of us with bra-unfriendly purchases?
• At least you're not the only one who impulse buys things thinking you'll figure out how to make the anti-bra aspect of it work eventually, and usually never do.
• Rachel is prepping to get a million outfits together for Anne Hathaway to host the Oscars. It sounds like the hosting gig is sweet enough that designers are quite willing to do custom pieces for that person. Rachel says she might get dresses from Tom Ford and Vivienne Westwood. Of course we all know how the outfits turned out, but still — ooh!
• People who love Birkin locks also love tchotchkes. Jeremiah, as he's decorating their entire gigantic new house, says he doesn't know how he's going to get all their old furniture and new furniture and all their tchotchkes moved in time. It's true, despite Rachel saying she hates clutter and loves things to be clean and modern — she loves thcotchkes. Especially when they're Hermès tchotchkes.
• Not going to Fashion Week gives Rachel a great excuse to have fun phone calls with a bunch of famous designers, including Michael Kors. Discussing her future baby, he says to her, "It all started for me, like, redoing my mother’s wedding dress at five." Rodger sits next to Rachel on the bed, listening in fearfully. Maybe he blacked out that he already sealed his son's masculinity with a big Vegas toast.
Things We Learned About Interior Decorating
• Outfitting Rachel's entire house in two weeks seems like an ass-load of work — in other words, quite a bit more labor-intensive than fixing Kim Kardashian's Spanx on a shoot for her new perfume. Jeremiah probably never would have pulled it off without having had a background in it. In other words, Joey would have never been able to pull it off.
• If you're hot and helping to move furniture and boxes on television, wear short sleeves so your fans can see your biceps in action. Point, Jeremiah.
• Making a house look truly great requires the addition of fresh bouquets and lit candles.
• Rodger and Rachel don't want to finish the nursery until the baby's born because they are superstitious.
• Noise can ruin the serenity of beautiful, carefully curated furniture so easily. "Oh my God, I love how loud I am in this house!" Joey yells as he enters the place after Rachel has seen it and fallen in love with Jeremiah's work.
• Rodger claims that he doesn't know if Jeremiah will be a good stylist just because he's an amazing interior decorator. I think this is just plain nonsense meant to create tension on the show — a "will or won't Jeremiah last?" kind of thing. The man is probably great. You can learn the logistics of styling, but you can't learn taste, which Jeremiah obviously has.
You know, the plot line of Jeremiah's uncertain future as a stylist is making committing to him as a character really hard. Clearly there is a cure to this unrelenting mental duress: putting on slutty outfits and blacking out in Vegas all weekend — woooo! Baptism, here we come! Pauly D spinnin' at the Palms! Time to order the fake hair and extra body glitter you bitches and hos y'all woo!!!!