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The Rachel Zoe Project Recap: Oh Hai Gorgeous, Your Baby Arrived

Baby, baby, baby.
The Rachel Zoe Project
OMG, He's Here Season 4 • Episode 7

Baby, baby, baby, baby. Rachel Zoe had, actually had, a baby, baby boy, baby in the hospital! Let's be honest, that's really all anyone was concerned about this episode. Skyler Morrison Berman is here! Also, not that you care, Joey got his first styling job (if only by default) working with regular client Molly Sims, and poor pouty Jeremiah continued to be Rachel Zoe Inc.'s well-dressed hipster doormat — fired, but still at the company's beck and nursery decorating-related call. (Though you know, he does a good job room-staging — perhaps Bravo should keep him in their "talent" stable, but just shunt him over to Million Dollar Listing or something.) And Rodger bought some crazy expensive jewelry to give to Rachel as a thank-you present for giving birth to his kid, which — in case you didn't know — happened.

As for the birth itself: Rodger caught Rachel's grumpy post-water-breaking self primping in the bathroom briefly on a cute and blurry home video, but that was it; his suggestion to hire a videographer for the birth in its entirety was apparently overridden. More cutesy home video showed baby Skyler back at home with his adoring parents whispering sweet nothings to him and to each other. New daddy Rodger got all teary in a closing confessional, and Rachel didn't – but probably only because she was wearing thick eyeliner. She did say she's never loved anything in her life before like she loves Skyler, aw!

Things We Learned About Fashion
• A sobering note to start: Fashion may actually be less important than the impending birth of a child. This is still unconfirmed, though, as Rachel hasn't officially weighed in. Her employees certainly seemed skeptical — it's probably just Rodger being silly.
• Rachel wants to give birth in — or possibly even to — Chanel. She also plans to be buried in it ... but more likely someone probably just misheard her saying "I die" at a Chanel show.
• A heavily pregnant lady should be "comfy, cozy, and fabulous," says Rachel's ever-chirpy assistant. But don't think this means sweatpants with some loosely glued rhinestones (obviously, Rachel Zoe owns no sweatpants, and actually breaks out in hives when encountering leisurewear). Rachel's luggage for the hospital includes big hats, sunglasses, and chunky knitwear — more Chanel, and Halston too.
• "The problem [with giving birth] is it is such an unglamorous experience that if you feel really unattractive it’s worse." So if Rachel Zoe is going to be a mess during childbirth, she's going to be "a glamorous mess."
• It's also important to plan an outfit for leaving the hospital and the inevitable paparazzi swarm. A clutch is a must, apparently.
• According to Joey's snarky brother Eli, Rachel Roy's dress is Bea Arthur–worthy. But we disagree, because Bea Arthur would never wear anything without shoulder pads bulky enough to leave a bruise.
• For Bea or not for Bea, Molly Sims picked the Rachel Roy dress to wear to a New York gallery opening, after a frantic consultation with Joey. This means his first solo styling gig is considered a success! Really, though, the dress was selected by Rachel's assistant Jordan before Joey even began his quest for a suitcase full of shiny, flouncy gowns. Which means, ultimately, that Joey's "success" wasn't really that at all.

Things We Learned About Life
• Sometimes you can get fired for a job just for being too good. But that's a tough pill to swallow when it means the line identifying your purpose on a reality TV show is "Former Styling Assistant."
• So the best way to help someone get over being fired is to throw them a "Sorry For Your Loss" party. (With guacamole.)
• Illogical pre-fab furniture instructions are still highly influential–threatening, and clearly the reason why Jeremiah's plans for a Rachel Zoe–branded housewares line can't get off the ground.
• Also, more Jeremiah-related silliness: Sometimes, he gets so caught up with painting and decorating that he forgets to bathe. Oh, menfolk.
• Rachel struggles with the fact that she hasn't been able to be in ten places at once "in the past few years," suggesting that she had been able to do so earlier in her life. If only Dumbledore hadn't given that Time-Turner to Hermione after all — it was chic jewelry too.
• The equivalent of filming childbirth is filming a colonoscopy. Neither are fun to watch.
• "Push presents" are a thing now, gifts given to commemorate the whole pushing-a-baby-out-of-your-body deal. (Even though Joey is skeptical as to whether Rachel's aware of how the birthing process works.) These presents must be ostentatious and expensive — fourteen-carat diamonds minimum, perhaps to allay the inevitable resentment directed at a child who's almost definitely going to spit up on couture at some point in his infancy.
• Just because your water breaks doesn't mean you should leave your hair messy. Standards people, standards.

• Even though both Rachel and Rodger are superstitious about bringing baby products into their home before Skyler's own homecoming, Rachel's assistants decide it's necessary to furnish his nursery anyway, to avoid any anxious times post-birth. They also set up a row of ladders Rachel and Rodger will need to walk under, adopt numerous black cats, and open lots of designer umbrellas indoors. Oh, and they bring Jeremiah back to help style the nursery — which he immediately curses by laying out a row of new shoes on a tabletop.
• Rachel Zoe can look angelic while in labor. It's the earrings.
• And this is despite her "legitimate vision of flying through [the hospital's] double doors, on a gurney, screaming, and pulling Rodger’s arm out of his socket." Guess how many of the Rachel Zoe Project production team were disappointed this scene didn't materialize? ALL OF THEM.

Next week: Skyler. It's all about Skyler, and maybe Jeremiah a little bit.

Photo: Courtesy of Bravo

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved. The Cut® are registered trademarks of New York Media LLC.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC.
All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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