With the cast's emotions in heavy flux following Vinny's departure, last night's episode was like one big ad for Paxil. Everyone was looking for ways to just face the day, but to that end, they're thankfully all famous enough now to have lots of sex with strangers, and alcohol and boldly patterned outfits are the friends that will never be out of reach and have more to give to them than any Vinny ever could. While the girls turned, in this time of need, to their ass-exposing, printed spandex, Pauly D and the Situation displayed their sadness with an array of black and gray T-shirts. And Ronnie, in honor of Vinny, wore what he thought were skinny jeans. See those looks and more from last night's episode in the slideshow.
Upon Vinny's departure, Pauly D slithers into his black mourning clothes. Aztec-appropriate mourning robes, that is, but mourning clothes nonetheless.
Left to right: Deena crying in one of the nightclub bathrooms upon learning of Vinny's departure; JWOWW pulling down Deena's dress in the bathroom during said crying period (I know, it's like, why bother?); and Deena arriving home, still crying and losing her skirt over Vinny being gone. This girl is the biggest mess. Snooki is a mess, but this girl is the biggest mess. Like, she's an inadvertent walking sex tape kind of mess. This recap is focused on style in the loosest sense of the word, and so style must be interpreted in these slides to encompass some aspects of behavior, and Deena is like a voluntarily blind and deaf woman on the stage of her own humiliation. I invite women everywhere to make a pact with themselves not to be as sloppy as Deena. Like, to take active measures not to be as sloppy as Deena.
Pauly D and the Situation
Matching mourning looks. But you know what they say, guidos of a T-shirt couch together. (This is why it's sad that Vinny's gone: He had these quips at the ready when you needed them.)
Deena and Snooki
This is the girls' first "meatball day," which I understand to be kind of like Flag Day, which, despite its existence as a Day, capital D, has no tangible benefits for the general public. As though exemplifying this point, the girls wore some of their raunchiest, most patterned, headband-sized clothes.
How did she manage to change her shoes? Did she go home and go back out? Whatever happened with the footwear, I'm a fan of a furry boot here and there because they cover more of her than most of her actual clothes do.
And now witness her final undoing, which is not her (what is beginning to seem like purposeful) stripping, but the shedding of her hair extensions. The images of Pauly D ripping the fake hair from her head are probably best left in the annals of things that should be forever forgotten, unless you're Tyra Banks, in which case this is probably ideal fodder for the next Top Model hair segment.
"In memory of Vinny, I'm rocking skinny jeans." Now what, hipsters? Jersey Shore is wearing your pants!
Pauly D and Tattoo Girl
Pauly D is having such an easy time getting laid (selectivity on his end surely has something to do with it) that he's just become a huge asshole to all these women. There's absolutely no trying with them anymore, but that's what fame buys you! Perhaps he's getting depressed about this, like he's a character in a Drake song, explaining why he's matched his depressed face with his depressed T-shirt. But at least he brought home a girl wearing one of the best rainbow-bright dresses of the season.
G Unit and God Knows
So this is how Mike's best friend, the nameless "Unit," goes to Karma or Aztec or wherever this was? With his shirt unbuttoned, like he's in an Out magazine spread? His chest decorated with a confusingly crunchy beaded necklace, as though he came from yoga and secretly has short spandex shorts under his pants?
Even she has her mourning underwear on.
Clearly not saddened by Vinny's departure, as evidenced by her white bikini and joy at wearing it to bars in the nighttime, is the Situation's sex partner, who it must be said really has great skin and is kind of a Jessica Alba Monet.
The Situation and Some Girls
I just love that these girls are chowing down on what looked like bagel, egg, cheese, and bacon sandwiches on TV. No one eats anything fatty publicly these days (even the Shore cast order salads at restaurants now), so bravo, ladies, for not hiding your food. If only people did this at the Golden Globes.
Contrast sleeves! Gray, depressed color-blocking — so trendy.
This is what Pauly looked like when he was getting a haircut from his barber, whom his mom brought to the Shore house from Rhode Island for Pauly's 31st birthday. Turns out under all that product he has the same fur as a long-haired cat! Who knew!
This is not just an excuse to run this absurd photo of him fake-crying, but do you see that wavy line carved into the stubble on the side of his head? It's, like, parabola-esque? Okay, this is just an excuse to run a photo of him fake-crying. But modeling shots like these are going to be very valuable for him when the pharmaceutical companies come knocking with a lucrative endorsement deal for their latest antidepressant in three years. Then he'll finally have a reason to come out about his problem, unlike Vinny, whose feelings are so strong he just has to let them out.
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