On last night's new episode of Jersey Shore, the cast had to deal with the elements (rain), getting laid (everyone but Vinny), and sunburns (Pauly D). It was their Bizarro World episode, with one constant: the clothes. Unnecessary sequins, shorts and short hemlines that leave nothing to the imagination, and animal print were vomited into viewers' eyeballs with the reliability we've come to love. See some notable fashion moments from last night's episode in the slideshow.
Snooki and JWOWW
You would think, after leaving the dirty nightclub, even acidic Jersey rain would be a welcome thing as it is a cleaning agent in the loose sense any substance can be a cleaning agent on this show. But no! MASS FREAK OUT, and Snooki's horrifying "I'M FREAKING OUT" face and blood-curtling shrieks, perhaps to go with her blood-curtling attempt at a non-animal print, which sometimes looked like plaid and sometimes looked like that sarong you bought when you were 11, God knows why, and never wore.
At least, I think this is Deena's ass, fleeing the rain behind Snooki and JWOWW. Do all the girls decide to wear grandma's pillowcases with sashes around them on the same night? Or is this something that just happens, the way women in offices supposedly get their periods at the same time?
When everyone got home from the dirty nightclub, Jionni was wet! Rather than go shirtless, as Ronnie could have told him he's supposed to do at any given moment, Jionni has to borrow a tee-shirt from The Situation. And hey! Now Armani Exchange can craft a desperate-looking publicity campaign surrounding their logo being exposed on this show. But they probably know their demographic better than some other companies.
What does this fool think he is, with this shirt just one shade of salmon paler than his skin, and a sarcastic expression that says "I'm so much better than that other person"? A WASP?
That Girl and Pauly D
Pretty much everyone gets to have sex with someone in this episode, and this girl, in denim shorts of panty proportions and stilettos, an outfit pretty much no one can get away with outside of a music video for a song everyone likes, is Pauly's catch.
Sammi and JWOWW
This is the scene with the plot point where JWOWW announces she's not wearing underwear, which I take to mean a bra but possibly also panties. Well, does she wear bras ever? Points like this are getting tired, which is why the ratings are slipping.
Another plot point of the episode was Pauly D getting a sunburn on his face, leading him to seek out the blue kind of aloe vera and panic as though he were Snooki getting, eff his life, rained on.
That Girl (Again) and Pauly D
Having absconded from the house the previous night without her shoes and Pauly D's diamond chain in her vagina, this girl returns to the house the following morning to return said diamond vagina chain in exchange for said footwear. Note that her outfit is basically the same as it was last night, but her bottoms are just a different kind of fabric.
To go with her disco tits, Snooki wants to wear surprisingly conservative underpants that say JIONNIS [sic] under her dress. JWOWW tells her not to because the thing Jionni hates about her is when she shows her ass in public, which she would do, to be fair, whether or not she had his name (plural) on her ass. But Snooki listens.
Omigod BUMP WATCH!
Poor Vinny. He's so rich and sad. His "clinical anxiety" reaching a menacing pitch this season, he spends the episode in the throes of depression, which seems to be manifesting in the centimeter-too-long hair on his face.
Vinny (foreground) and Pauly D's legs
Pauly tries to cheer up Sad Vinny with a spa day! So they go for mani/pedis, producing a scene that suggests something we've never given any length of consideration to before: Pauly D. might shave his legs. Which brings up another thing: why is it that the people who tan the most also do the most in the way of hair removal? Food for thought for the long weekend, guys.
Ronnie and Vinny
When spa day doesn't cheer up Vinny, Ronnie takes him to the boardwalk for some games (Vinny is too sad for rides, or something). Toward the end of the "Vinny and Ronnie play carnie games" montage, Vinny has changed from a white tee shirt to a blue one, certainly in honor of his emotions, which can be molded like a soft clay.
Another of her leopard going-out outfits, but this distinguishes itself from the rest because of those matronly sleeves, which make her look even more top-heavy than she usually does.
Most Viewed Stories
The Met’s New Exhibit, ‘Death Becomes Her,’ Will Thrill Your Inner Goth
Kim Kardashian Wore Curious Knee-Length Jorts
What Do You Really Mean When You Say ‘Basic Bitch’?
Oscar de la Renta Has Died at 82
So You Want to Be a Male Feminist? Maybe Don’t.
If You Cover Egg Freezing, You Better Cover Day Care
Live From the Front Lines of College Party, USA
Forget Liposuction: I Tried Fat-Melting Technologies
Q&A: Irish Musician Hozier on Gay Rights, Sexuality, & Good Hair
Astrology GIFs for the Week of October 20, 2014
From Our Partners
20 of the Best Drugstore Beauty Buys
George Clooney Is A Profoundly Cruel Human Being
Alexa Chung Has the Perfect Summer Hairstyle For Lobs
10 School Lunches That Totally Trump Sandwiches
Latest News on The CutOscar De La Renta’s Most Iconic Red Carpet Gowns
Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman, Amy Adams, and so many more.A Look Back at Oscar de la Renta’s Greatest Runway Hits
Runway highlights from his nearly 50 years in the business.Oscar de la Renta Loved Powerful Women
The designer passed away today at 82.Oscar de la Renta Has Died at 82
The designer's business has been around since 1965.King Tut Is a Victim of Body Shame
Posthumously.Geena Davis Trolled Ann Taylor Customers by Pretending to Be a Mannequin
Retail pranks.‘I Was a 4-Year Queer’: 15 Straight(ish) People on Their Gay Time in College
It's a time to learn about yourself.Stacked Gold Heels Fit for a Bank Vault
A stacked heel, literally.The Met’s New Exhibit, ‘Death Becomes Her,’ Will Thrill Your Inner Goth
Come over to the dark side.Nicki Minaj Was a Warrior for All Waitresses Who Have Had Pens Stolen
A story about getting fired from Red Lobster.
The magic of jade rollers.UCLA Street Style: Cat Shirts and Fixed-Gear Bikes
A sea of normcore.Kim Kardashian Wore Curious Knee-Length Jorts
With heels.Live From the Front Lines of College Party, USA
Fear, loathing, underbutt.Ryan Reynolds Is Already Practicing His Dad Jokes
He suggests Bruce Jenner as a name for his future child.GapKids x Kate and Jack Spade Is Here for Your PANK Needs
A fast track to being the best aunt this holiday season.A Cool Silk Shirt for the Office and Beyond
Your new work uniform.British Politicians Think They’re Hugh Grant in Love Actually
A U.K. leader speaks out.Forget Liposuction: I Tried Fat-Melting Technologies
It was weird.Astrology GIFs for the Week of October 20, 2014
Get ready for public disorder and a solar eclipse.
"Like a cheap magic act."Ruth Bader Ginsburg Outfits Her Friends With Notorious R.B.G. Merch
She says she has "quite a large supply."Walk, Point, Shoot: A Model’s Behind-the-Scenes View of New York and Paris Fashion Weeks
Photographer Louise Parker documents her life.Look Book: The Goodwill-Shopping Art Teacher
“I used to shop at Urban Outfitters, but now that I’m middle class and can actually afford it, I find it ridiculously overpriced.”See Glorious Backstage Photos From Yves Saint Laurent’s Heyday
Roxanne Lowit spent decades shooting Yves Saint Laurent.See Rose Byrne’s Impeccable Red-Carpet Style
She looks good in pretty much every designer.Pharrell’s Gender-Ambiguous Scent Is Confusing
My head hurts.Inside Alexander Wang for H&M’s Jock Jam
The sport-inspired collection was showcased on a supermodel cast.18 Perfect Gowns From Bridal Fashion Week
Amal Clooney's already influencing designers.Report: Mulberry to Poach From Céline?
The brand has its eye on accessories whiz Johnny Coca.
A full 11 months and counting.NARS Cosmetics Picks Coolest Muse Ever
Tilda!40 Years of Women in High Times Magazine
How does the magazine keep up with women in weed?Anna Wintour: Michael Kors and I Are Like Beyoncé and Jay Z
Let her explain.Prince Harry: Seeking Hedge-Fund Hottie?
Notably scoping out the 100 Women in Hedge Funds gala dinner.Dakota Fanning Wore a Subtle Wang T-shirt
From his new H&M collection.Joanna Coles: The Cosmo Show Is Proof People Still Like Magazines
Cosmopolitan editor-in-chief Joanna Coles talks about her forthcoming scripted series.Now You Can Make Your Own Tiny Underwear for Peach Butts
Weekend craft project!Anjelica Huston on Dressing Normal and Perfuming Her Men
The actress is one of Gap's fall campaign stars.Blake Lively Says She’s Been a Mother Forever, Actually
Red lips, not eyes.A Look Back at Iconic Photos of ’90s Supermodels
Some of Peter Lindbergh's most famous photographs are now on view in Paris.Reheating Pasta Makes It a Diet-Friendly Food
I don't know, guys. It's science.H&M’s Sister Brand & Other Stories Is Finally Stateside
This will tide you over until COS comes to New York.People Want to Know: Why Do We Watch the Dong?
7 Reasons to Love Gene Simmons’s Daughter
Gene Simmons's daughter is the crown jewel of Family Jewels.Colin Farrell Is the New Face of D&G Fragrance
He is Intenso.January Jones and Julia Roberts Partied in L.A.
Plus Zoe Saldana, Elizabeth Banks, Jon Hamm, and more highlights from the week’s biggest parties.35 Great Basics to Update Your Wardrobe This Fall
Keep it simple and layered, from your underwear to your boots to your perfect crisp, white shirts.A Costume Tour of This Year’s Twisted Festival Gem: Buttercup Bill
Scenes from Buttercup Bill.