Last night on Jersey Shore, some utterly shocking style tricks came to light. Ronnie was seen ironing his jeans. JWOWW was seen having fake hair delivered, as though it was a pizza. And Snooki was seen eschewing diapers and wee-wee pads in favor of two sets of panties that were so skimpy they could hardly function as panties. Also: Pauly had one of his worst-dressed days of the season. See images of all that and more in the slideshow.
JWOWW hasn't been getting much airtime in these recaps because she looks so inoffensive and, therefore, provokes fewer of my thoughts, which are running low at the end of the day on a Friday anyway. But! She should be celebrated for the general comparative decency of her outfits, like this one. The blue periwinkle sheer top is something you could actually wear.
Snooki and the Hair Extension Lady
Who did not realize that you could make a phone call and, minutes later, have ladies over with clairinet cases full of fake hair to sew to your head? A secret of the Jersey Shore, apparently. Snooki decides to get some new scary-lights because she has nothing else to do and thinks her current hair looks boring. So she bores herself too? Who'd have thunk.
DIY sunnies: Step one: get window tint applied to your favorite snorkel mask. Step two: remove rubber mask bits around the edge of the lenses. Use coat hangers as frames. Step three: Glue silverware to coat hangers.
They iron their jeans? So one: They iron. Two: They can't tolerate a rumpled jean. Three: Snooki pees on the deck and that's like, "Oh well."
These are "booty shorts" Snooki decided to wear over her thong because she couldn't stop peeing herself. It's not like MTV's production assistants wouldn't have gone out to buy her real diapers.
This is daytime face. Daytime.
Last week we witnessed The Situation spraying his crotch with Axe. This week, we witness Snooki in the nightclub bathroom spraying her crotch with what could be hairspray, as far as we know. Apparently this is a thing, and, Snooki enlightens us, has a name:
So much deflated leopard print. It's like all of J. Lo's furniture had gastric bypass surgery.
It finally hit me, what Deena looks like with this hair: JWOWW from the opening credits!
Apparently he was sagging to inappropriate levels. Kind of like his personality. Zing-a-ling!
This season, Pauly has been losing whatever points he's gained in past seasons for being amusing by sleeping with anything that moves (or, well, doesn't) and sending them home in the middle of the night whether or not they've had time to find all their clothes. So maybe this outfit seems worse than it is, but I don't know, it seems like something Deena would wear.
Remember this part? Where, perhaps envious of the hugely huge chest tattoo Vinny unveiled last week, Mike said he wanted to get the words LOYALTY and BETRAYAL on each forearm?
Deena and Her Hair
You know what they say: If you can't find a man to keep you warm, get some fake hair.
This image does nothing but remind us it's time for our weekly "I just spent a lot of mental energy thinking about Jersey Shore" shower. Till next week, friends!
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