Get the gasping out of your system now, if you haven't already: Star magazine is reporting that Snooki is pregnant with her boyfriend Jionni's child. It's a terrifying thought, since Jersey Shore makes it seem like booze is to Snooki what chlorophyll is to plants — life can't go on without it. But despite playing a total mess on the show, Snooki can reign in her messiness when it comes time to brand herself. When we spoke to her at a press event for her new fragrance some months ago, she said all the right things, and was so media-trained and generally "with it" that the conversation was almost boring. (Nonetheless, I hear that when she doesn't really have to try hard to promote herself or sell things, she can turn the training right back off and devolve into a scary, drunk mess who throws chicken wings from the catering table at people, instead of eating them — which is an actual story someone who had to spend time with Snooki told me about her.)
Snooki says that she's focusing on building her brand. She's already got a fragrance, slippers, and self-tanner, with clothing probably on the way. She's "written books" that have sold well. She's already a huge television star. Celebrities who are famous for nothing more than being famous have to find ways to evolve more than the average celebrity in order to keep us interested. Doing something like getting married for just 72 days or having a baby will help take their very public lives, as well as their brands, in new, and therefore valuable, directions.
This is not to suggest that Snooki got pregnant — if she is, in fact, pregnant — for the sole purpose of selling stuff. But imagine what she can do with her brand as a mom. Bethenny Frankel got her own TV show based on her marriage and pregnancy; her rapid slim-down following the birth can only have helped sell her line of cleansing supplements, workout DVDs, shapewear, and books about being thin and happy. Snooki, who, unlike Bethenny, had no brand pre-Jersey Shore, could do a line of kids' clothes, more books about motherhood, or even diet products — not to mention the inevitable motherhood spinoff show (our suggested titles: Mommy 911, Toddlers and Pickles, The Original Dance Mom).
Even the press she's getting on the rumors alone (Whoopi mentioned it on The View, apparently) is only going to enhance her celebrity.