This month's fashion magazines pulled out all the stops for their blockbuster spring issues. Behold, a dazzling mix of celebrities (Tilda Swinton and Lana Del Rey), designers (Ricardo Tisci and Alber Elbaz), top models (Liu Wen and Lindsey Wixson), and Top Models (Jane Randall, who took fourth place in ANTM's first "high fashion" cycle). Add to those a few dolphins, dunce hats, human car washes, wind turbines, and a worrisome case of scoliosis, and you've got a smashing start to the season. See all these photos and more in our handy slideshow roundup.
Best Self-Love, Paper
Why bother making out with the hot person next to you when you can make out with your hot self?
Girliest Handwriting , Vogue U.K.
Something about those Ls doesn't quite say, "Born to Die."
Best Human Car Wash, Vogue India
Read in a Stefon voice: "You know, that thing when you dress a model in too much fringe and pay her 50 cents to spin in circles in your garage?"
Best Reptilian Prostheses , Interview Germany
Not a lot of competition in this category this month (or any month for that matter). But let's not discount the elegant pastel color palette on this model's scaly beak — someone's on trend for spring.
Sassiest Dolphin, Harper's Bazaar
"Flipper, you are still in the running to become America's Next Top Aquatic Mammal Model."
Best Blur, The Gentlewoman
And Tilda Swinton still looks beautiful.
Most Confused by Chairs, W
Models, you're doing it wrong. Both of you.
Most Confused by Chairs (Part 2), Vogue U.K.
Still not quite getting it.
Best "Where's Alber?" Moment , Harper's Bazaar
We imagine the pitch that led to this Harper's shoot started something like this: Dear Alber, Here at Harper's we're all such big fans of your work at Lanvin. We'd love to feature you, posed with a selection of your quintessential dresses. Oh, and we'd like to cover you in paint so you're almost totally camoflauged. Are you in? We'll provide cleansing wipes for afters! Lots of love, Glenda And what do you know, it worked.
Best Top Model Alumni Cameo, Vogue Italia
That's cycle fifteen alum Jane Randall on the right. If nothing else, the show surely helped prepare her for shoots like this — because if Tyra had her way, these birds would have had laxatives in their feed.
Most Likely to Break Something Expensive, Vogue U.K.
Karlie Kloss just can't seem to keep her balance. So which vase is it going to be? And more important, is there a fashion assistant handy with some superglue?
Biggest Problem With Butterfly Wings, Love
It's obviously very difficult to find a blouse that fits.
Best Poster for An HBO Show That Needs to Be Made, Vogue
We're not sure what the plot for this would be, but we are sure we'd watch it every week.
Biggest Showoff, The Gentlewoman
Worst Posture, Ten
Less "broke down model" and more "you can use my hunchback as a shelf of sorts."
Best Magical Realism, W
A room-size re-creation of Hokusai Katsushika's woodblock print The Great Wave adorned with some kitsch cherry blossoms for good measure — and just the blurriest hint of a model on the far left.
Most at Risk of Splinters, Elle
Those are some very short shorts and some old, paint-warped bleachers. Not a good combination.
Most Understandably Frustrated , Vogue U.K.
Everybody hates ironing.
Worst Use of a Book, Interview Germany
It's not like Anna Dello Russo can actually read under that sculptural, metallic helmet.
Best Faux Royalty , Vogue Italia
From the ostentatious fascinator (and gaudy sashes) to the inevitable joke about peasants that's given Karolina and her princely friends the giggles, everything about this photo screams blue-blooded money.
Worst in Class, Bullett
I will not wear all green to my casting calls. I will not wear all green to my casting calls. I will not wear all green to my casting calls.
Worst Hiking Trip, GQ Style Germany
Someone needs to work on their Google Maps skills, because it takes some serious compass misuse to get from that rocky mountain trail to halfway up a rusting flume at the abandoned water park.
Worst Placed Watercolor Illustration , Fashion
Let's just say it, because EVERYONE is thinking it: This model looks like she's farting purple feathers.
Best International Male Catalogue Homage, GQ Style U.K.
Medieval Dockers and all.
Single Worst Piece in an Otherwise Stellar Editorial, Elle
Points for an Edie Beale–inspired spread, yes, but let's not legitimize a pencil skirt with a see-through panel at the pantyline.
Best Audition for The Voice's Third Season, Another Man
No matter how well those models can play their ukuleles, no one's going to take their singing seriously if they can see those swimshorts and plastic leis.
Most Elaborate Bedding, W
Daphne's taking notes and putting in an order for this oh-so-Guinness floral shroud. And as for a little light bedtime reading, well, that's sorted too.
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