Guess How Karl Lagerfeld Spends His Mornings

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Karl Lagerfeld. Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images/Getty Images

Because even Karl Lagerfeld's most mundane activities are utterly fascinating (like sleeping, which he does for seven hours every night in a custom-made white nightshirt), Harper's Bazaar chronicled a day in his life for their latest issue. But Karl is so predictable in his ridiculousness that simply telling you what he said would be dull. Instead, guess which morning routine is real and which one we made up:

The first thing I do when I get up, I have breakfast. I have two protein shakes made for me by my doctor — they have a chocolate taste and no sugar, of course — and steamed apples. That's all. I don't like anything else in the morning. I never drink anything hot; I don't like hot drinks, very strange. I drink Diet Coke from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed. I can even drink it in the middle of the night, and I can sleep. I don't drink coffee, I don't drink tea, I drink nothing else.

Or:

I never eat in the morning, except occasionally when I have a bad dream I will start the day with one eighth of a grapefruit to cleanse my brain. I always drink Diet Coke, but only with special ice that my chef makes for me. He makes them out of special water frozen into sphere shapes, because I do not like cubes. I know it is very strange, but I find square shapes ugly. If I am hungry then sometimes I have my chef stir a thickener  — specially made for me by my doctor — into my Diet Coke to fill me up.

And... the first one is the real one. In other news, Karl also discusses his kitten, Choupette, who helps him unwind in the evenings. "The cat always stays home, and when I leave, the maid takes care of her," he says. "The cat is like a very refined object; she doesn't go into the street, and she doesn't go to other places. She is a spoiled princess." And better-fed than Karl, to be sure.

Related: A Random Collection of Karl Lagerfeld’s Most Ridiculous Quotes