Have you been paying attention? The Paris collections are over, time to pack up your increasingly grubby duds and depart the City of Light for ugly-but-exciting New York City. Before we leave, please join us in this simple but educational quiz on the highs and lows, the best and worst, of Paris Fashion Week. Ready?
Q. Who is Maxime Simoens?
A. You won’t believe this, but while you were sleeping, some guy called Simoens (NOT Simons, as in Raf) is suddenly being touted as the new designer for Dior. Simoens is currently at Leonard, which if you are really, really old you may remember as a printed silk dress house popular with monied ladies of a certain age (sort of the pre-Dundas Pucci of France.) How annoying is it that after attending what feels like thousands of fashion shows, including one in a crematorium in Pere Lachaise, you never even considered checking out this Simoens person, and now he is the heir apparent (then again, haven’t we been down this road before?).
Q. What whispery substance is transformed into something dirty and dark at Chanel?
A. Feathers, which do little to rescue the joyless Goth-lite suggestions on the meandering catwalk, which is decorated relatively simply (at least by the standards of the house) with lavender stalactites instead of the extravaganzas of past years — last season Florence Welsh popped out of a clam shell; previous collections have offered icebergs floating down the runway and Lily Allen leading a hoedown. But who can blame Karl for having an off-day? If you were up to your grosgrain-tied pigtail in collabs with Hogan and Macy's and Net-a-Porter, maybe your main collection would look a little dull around the edges too.
Q. What will Daphne Guinness wear when Prince William divorces Kate in a spectacular May-December romance that stuns Britain?
A. McQueen again, but instead of the white column Middleton favored, DG will walk down the aisle in Sarah Burton’s tiered gargantuan pink puffed-palooza, which appears to be made of swan’s down, or maybe angel’s hair — a frock, given the bride’s sartorial proclivities, which can also be repurposed for dropping off the laundry.
Q. What new designer, whose talents are disproportionate to his musical abilities, attempts to distract the audience by having hot rods zoom around at the end of his show?
A. Kanye West, who is a wonderful performer, but just because he has won multiple Grammys doesn’t mean you should listen to him when he suggests you spend next winter with a tail-whip, or sporting a skirt with a fur peplum, or trapping your neck in a crocodile collar.
Q. Who eclipses the pastel carousel he put on the runway last season — the models jumped off in candy-colored outfits making everyone think the show was a sort of audition for Dior (as it turned out, a crimson herring), and this year installs a moving locomotive, from which his models alight in glittery Downton Abbey-worthy tailleurs, if those ladies had walking suits made of techno fabrics?
A. Marc Jacobs at Louis Vuitton, of course, celebrating a decade and a half of collaboration in a spectacular show that ends Fashion Week with just the right combination of fantasy and excess, a dreamlike vision giving at least one jaded person in the audience literal chills and reminding you of why you love fashion in the first place.
Most Viewed Stories
It’s Harder to Be Thin Than It Was in the ’80s
Why Do I Jerk Awake Right As I’m Falling Asleep?
From Up Close, Raf Simons’s Vision for Dior Is Clear
The World’s Easiest Way to Highlight Your Face
A Pregnant Supermodel Explains What She Eats
Meet the Prom Queen of Instagram
Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, Reuniting, and Portlandia
Michelle Obama: No Boy Is Cute Enough to Keep You From Getting an Education
Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Selfie Sorority Uses Media Frenzy for Good Cause
From Our Partners
The Eye Makeup Tip That Will Put Plastic Surgeons Out of Business
5 Must-Have Products for Your Makeup Bag
Anna Wintour Acknowledges Kim and Kanye Are Not 'Tasteful'
You Should Be Sleeping With Your Hair In A Bun–Here’s Why
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesThe Retired Modeling Agent Who Loves Empire
“I started my own agency — we represented Twiggy — but went off to be assistant to the actor Yul Brynner, who was dating my roommate at the time.”Bright Coats for Cold Days
New York women in winter's least-boring outerwear, from bright-green alpaca fur to leopard-print mohair.Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Phoebe Philo remains in touch with what women want to wear.Watch the Akris Livestream
Enjoy!From Up Close, Raf Simons’s Vision for Dior Is Clear
And don't count John Galliano out at Margiela yet.5 Things I Want to Wear From Paris: Part 2
Cropped sweaters, a spangled skirt, and more.Jaden Smith and Kesha Partied This Week
Along with Cindy Crawford, Anjelica Huston, Rita Ora, and Lena Dunham.Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid Partied in Balmain
Plus: more highlights from Paris Fashion Week's parties, including Jared Leto.See All the Street Style From Paris Fashion Week
Featuring wooden platforms, velvet robes, and floor-length ponchos.Who Won Best-Dressed at Milan Fashion Week?
Another city, another people's choice Peacock.
Photographer Tomasz Lazar's latest dispatch from Fashion Month.Style Smackdown: Olivia Pope vs. Cookie Lyon
Judging the best looks from this week's episodes.Never Mind the Feminist Sound-Bites, Rick Owens Just Showed His Best Clothes Yet
Gymnast models symbolizing "women supporting women" wore mature yet spontaneous looks.Grace Jones Is Having the Wildest Book Tour Ever [NSFW]
She flashed crowds at her signing in New York.Tom Ford and Lady Gaga Turn the Runway Into a Disco
The designer is showing his newest collection in a video.All About Dior’s Spring 2016 Show
Rihanna, lavender walls, and pointy flats.Cecilia Dean on Her Latest Immersive Fashion Project
A downtown art event with DVF and Proenza Schouler.Dior Built a Huge Flower Wall for Its Show
Just breathe that in.The Selfie-Stick Fashion Generation
Today’s young designers focus too often on their feelings.Rick Owens Dressed Models in ... Other Models
Harnesses were involved.