A Random Collection of Karl Lagerfeld’s Most Ridiculous Quotes

By

Karl Lagerfeld has been saying preposterous things for years. The man has no filter (or so it would appear), but that's part of what makes him so entertaining. We'd like to say that this quote roundup and accompanying video are pegged to the Chanel show tomorrow, but really, who needs a timely excuse to read a roundup of Karl's thoughts on getting groped, the color pink, and thongs? Without further ado, enjoy Karl's thoughts on various subjects, in no particular order (plus an excellent video mash-up).

On goals:
“My only ambition in life ... is to wear size 28 jeans.” [NYM]

On garbage cans: 
“I throw everything away ... The most important piece of furniture in a house is the garbage can! I keep no archives of my own, no sketches, no photos, no clothes — nothing! I am supposed to do, I’m not supposed to remember!” [NYer]

On men his age:
“I get along with everyone except for men my age, who are bourgeois or retired or boring.” [NYM]

On underwear:
“I’m not mad for thongs.” [W]

On ugly people: 
"Life is not a beauty contest, some [ugly people] are great. What I hate is nasty, ugly people ... the worst is ugly, short men. Women can be short, but for men it is impossible. It is something that they will not forgive in life ... they are mean and they want to kill you.” [Vogue UK]

On sticking to his diet:
“When I see tons of food in the studio, for us and for everybody, for me it's as if this stuff was made out of plastic. The idea doesn't even enter my mind that a human being could put that into their mouth. I'm like the animals in the forest. They don't touch what they cannot eat." [Telegraph]

On suffering for his art:
"Please don't say I work hard. Nobody is forced to do this job and if they don't like it, they should do another one. If it's too much, do something else. But don't start doing it and then say, 'Aaaah, it's too much' ... Then, suddenly, they become artists. They are too weak. Too fragile. Non. We have to be tough. We cannot talk about our suffering. People buy dresses to be happy, not to hear about somebody who suffered over a piece of taffeta." [Telegraph]

On disrespecting Chanel:
“Respect is not creative ... Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore — and then you get something out of her.” [NYM]

On children:
"It would have been difficult to have an ugly daughter ... If I were a woman, I would love to have lots of kids. But for men, I don't believe in it." [Interview]

On getting his ass pinched:
"In the whole world, there is nowhere I can go. Everybody has a camera, and it is flash-flash-flash, and I am a puppet, a marionette, Mickey at Disneyland for children to play with. In Japan, they touch me. I have Japanese women pinch my ass, so now I must say, ‘You can have the photo, but please don’t touch me.’ You cannot pinch the ass of a man my age!" [NYM]

On Russian men: 
“If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian, as the men are very ugly. There are a few handsome ones, like Naomi Campbell's boyfriend, but there you see the most beautiful women and the most horrible men.” [Metro]

On old age:
“I had a godfather who lived to 104, and his brother to 102, and their mother to 108. When my godfather died, he was totally normal, chic and everything. He got up early and dressed every day. After lunch he slept one hour and walked one hour afterwards ... That is a long time they lived ... They saw a lot. I would like to see as much.” [NYM

On getting caught by a swan:
“Swans, they are the meanest animals in the world, you know. I had problems with them as a child. They hate children. I was caught by one, so I know. The idea of swans is lovely, and they have a beautiful shape, but they seem more romantic than they in fact are. I don't think really they die like this. They just drop dead, hmm? But who wants to see that?” [Guardian]

On ideas:
“Sometimes the best ideas I have are in my bathtub or in my bed or in my dreams early in the morning before waking up … I’m like a TV antennae, I catch it all and do it my way." [CNN]

On his mother:
"When I was a child I asked my mother what homosexuality was about and she said — and this was 100 years ago in Germany and she was very open-minded —  'It's like hair colour. It's nothing. Some people are blonde and some people have dark hair. It's not a subject.' This was a very healthy attitude." [Vogue UK]