The music video for Nicki Minaj's new pop ballad "Starships" dropped Friday morning, and critics seemed confused by the futuristic dance party held on the set of Lost. (Did they somehow suss out the plot line of "Stupid Hoe"?) So, we took the weekend to perform a thorough analysis of Onika and her backup Barbzs' outfits, and sadly, no one wears or is otherwise made to resemble a starship during the four-and-a-half-minute-long clip. But there's plenty of other questionable costuming decisions to make up for it, like a bunch of beach attire including Miss Minaj as Malibu Barbie 3000 with a side of side-boob, subtle Bo Derek references, and a tinsel-covered diaper bikini; tons of neon body paint; and some humiliatingly clad man servants. Click ahead to see these, and many more, "Starships" fashions.
Who: Barbz on the Beach. What: Eight seconds in, and we already named (and need) a drink.
Who: A man Barbz. What: Mancessories are here to stay, even when the starships come.
Who: Miss Minaj. WHO: MALIBU BARBIE 3000.
What: Nicki, swaddled in cloth, is carried to a fashion show of sorts by her servants. Why: Does it look like those heels are touching that dirt?
What: The workout leotards from the early nineties will be the swimsuits of the future. How: Abs of Steel on Blu-Ray.
What: More desert island styles. Why: The one on the left can also be used as a tarp to sleep under at night.
What: Flesh-colored one-pieces. Why: The end-of-days hill people will all dress like Bo Derek in 10.
Where: In the crossfire of canons shooting neon paint. Why: "Can't stop, 'cause we're so high." (Pretty sure this same scene occured the last time we were.)
Who: Nicki's bowler-hat-and-warrior skirt-wearing servants. Why: We only see seven pieces of flair.
Who: Minaj à huit. What: Obligatory kaleidoscopic interlude.
What: How embarrassing. Why: Nicki forgot to take off the harness she used to get down from the starship.
What: A tinsel-covered diaper. Why: Beats waiting in line for the ladies' room at the club.
Where: The desert island's dance party in a discotech on a beach at a bonfire aboard the starship. How can you not be seeing double at this point?
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