Fanning the flames still surrounding her "too pretty for you, fellow females" manifesto, the Daily Mail's Samantha Brick appeared on daytime TV in Great Britain this morning. (Accents galore!) As expected, she stood by all of her article's arguments, and her belief that "the sisterhood" hates her because she's beautiful. Unfortunately, the longer she remains totally serious about the whole debacle, the less fun it gets.
Brick's pieces listed on the Mail's online archive date back three years. Her work is all first-person, and the bulk of it isn't about how beautiful she is. In fact, she covers issues like weight, aging, foreigners, and men acting dominant in that way she believes modern women say they don't like but deep down they do. She writes with a blithe "I used to be like you (read: sad/fat/poor) but now I'm better" tone surely designed to incite the ire of her audience. And what she manages to achieve, very well, is hitting that nerve in her readers so sharply that their response is to rant, or comment anonymously even when they know, deep down, that that's exactly what she's giddily anticipating.
And speaking of, here's a fun selection of from her full oeuvre, again graded by its breathy hyperbole:
From "I use my sex appeal to get ahead at work ... and so does ANY woman with any sense," published August 25, 2011:
"The truth is, I’d much rather work for a man than a woman. I’ve always dressed with the express intention to please and gratify my male bosses in the workplace. If I had a choice of how to spend my ideal lunch hour, it’s a no-brainer. Each and every time I’d choose to flirt over lunch with a male superior rather than engage in mindless gossip with the girls over a sandwich."
8/10. Solid trolling, in as much as hateful fluff can be solid.
From "My husband says he'll divorce me if I get fat," published December 30, 2010:
"This past week I’ve been battling a gruesome bout of gastroenteritis ... My husband Pascal has been by my side constantly; caring and concerned, he has mopped my brow and even held my hair back as I vomited for the umpteenth time. He has behaved like the perfect spouse — well, almost. While most husbands might whisper, ‘there, there, you’ll feel better soon darling’, instead I’ve had to listen to: ‘Imagine how much weight you’re losing! This is great for your figure!’
You see, in my household being slim isn’t something to aspire to — it’s an obligation. As Pascal likes to remind me: ‘I married you because you’re slim — I don’t want a fat wife.’"
8.5/10. Equally solid, but there's a bonus half-point because of the gratuitous "mean French person" angle.
From "I'll always be that fat girl: Samantha Brick has always obsessed about her weight ... all because she was a chubby child," published April 19, 2011:
"Too big to play Mary: Samantha had to give up the lead in a nativity play — because she could not fit into the costume" Also worthy of note, Brick is too worried about getting fat (again) to get pregnant.
5/10. And this is just a photo caption, but it's certainly angry laughter-inducing.
From "Would YOU let your husband dress you? Samantha does and says she's never looked better," published August 1, 2011:
"To the astonishment of my family and friends, I no longer have a problem with my husband selecting my attire, accompanying me whenever I buy clothes or even deciding what outfits I take when we go on holiday. In fact — and I know that many of you will be aghast reading this — I actually like it."
8.5/10. See above re: "mean French person."
From "How could a well-educated TV executive let her addiction to psychics cost her £25,000 and ruin her marriage?," published April 6, 2010:
"I once phoned a psychic to ask what colour to decorate my hallway. (I took his advice and painted it yellow, to everyone else's horror.)"
4/10. One of Brick's earlier pieces, and not her best, it must be said — but still deserving of some acclaim the headline alone.
From "Ooh la lard! Au revoir frogs' legs ... bonjour Le Big Mac (with a pizza on the side). Yes, French women DO get fat," published November 12, 2009:
"Our nearest McDonald's has a 'drive thru' and it regularly causes traffic jams on the main road because of all the cars queueing to get in there: we're talking 50-plus vehicles ... I've even seen police traffic patrols there to control the crowds at the weekends and evenings."
17/10. Now the "mean French people" are fat, a comeuppance that's as delicious as the McFlurries they're lining up en masse for.
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