Fear not for this month's roundup: While some magazines skimp over the summer with combined June/July issues, others don't let the heat index — or the prospect of long, beachy vacations — slow them down. And so July's new issues, straddling the border of late-summer, early-fall-themed spreads a tad awkwardly, brought with them more than enough noteworthy fashion photography. Yay! (We also found a few more great images in double issues, because we're thorough.) Click through our slideshow to see this month's superlatives — including awards for aluminum foil, Emma Stone's Vogue stylist, and a marauding band of photo-bombing pigeons.
"Best" Sandy Gymnast — Vogue Paris
There's a special place in hell reserved for people who work out gracefully on the beach while the rest of us swelter and burn under inadequate sun loungers. But until then, Gisele looks great.
Most Inappropriate Beachside Behavior, Were It Not for Gisele's Antics in the Previous Slide — Vogue Netherlands
It must be asked, vulgar as it may be: Why is Rianne ten Haken birthing a watermelon?
Best Cure for Premature Balding — Interview Russia
Gold leaf if you're wealthy, aluminum foil if you're not. Either way you look fab and well prepared for a free $2 Chipotle burrito on Halloween.
Most Blasé — Vanity Fair
During her cover shoot for July's Vanity Fair, Kristen Stewart somehow scored the opportunity to pose with both Karl Lagerfeld and an adorable little Pomeranian — separately of course (you know the Kaiser only has eyes for Choupette these days). Par the K-Stew course, neither situation seemed to elicit any facial emotion ... though to be fair, the last time she and Karl hung out, she did break a smile.
Most Flagrantly Untrue Headline — Tatler UK
Why, those tweed pants are not fancy at all. For shame, British Tatler, for shame.
Worst-Timed Drought — Numéro
Lindsey Wixson and her inner tubes were all ready for a sedate afternoon's floating around the lazy river.
Most Menacing Group of Teenage Girl Models — German Vogue
Skittish old people will surely be crossing the street (with or without assistance) to avoid this eyeliner-heavy trio — and then gossiping about "kids these days and their shouty devil music" later at the bingo hall.
Most Likely to Be the Boyfriend of a Girl in the Aforementioned German Vogue Shoot — Dazed & Confused
And look, he's picked her a flower.
Saddest Missing Fashion Credit — Teen Vogue
But Teen Vogue, we all need to know where to buy this adorable inflatable red lobster.
Most Bashful Baby Model — Vogue UK
Well, Flynn's either feeling shy or he's just not happy with his contract/the baby food provided on set — we know he's given great face in fashion editorials before.
Best Personification of a Text Message Emoticon — W
ROFL Edie, but look, we can do it too — :O :O
Easiest to Work With — Vogue
Though bordering on a display of ultraluxe bathmats, there are precious few ways to shoot this McQueen gown without it looking flat-out stunning. (And the accompanying shades are already becoming one of this season's editorials' must-haves.)
Best/Worst* Pun — Vogue
Take Karlie Kloss out into the desert, strip her down, and cover her back up in sandy clay — of course the first phrase to come to mind is "True Grit," har har. The second phrase to come to mind, as is often the case with fashion magazines, is "Shameless Objectification of the Female Form," but that's less snappy for a title line. *It all depends on your tolerance for this brand of humor. Trust us, instilling any sense of merriment into a caption is easier said than done.
Most Likely to Be Bringing the Party With Her — Harper's Bazaar
1. It's Kate Moss. 2. She's wearing a magenta, ostrich-feather-covered coat bulky enough to smuggle a keg under. 3. And wheeling a large speaker, because it's not a rave without deafening bass lines.
Worst Styling — Vogue
Had the intro not made it clear Emma Stone's summer blockbuster is the new Spider-Man movie, we'd have assumed she'd signed on as a gender-bending Artful Dodger in a remake of Oliver! There's no other logical explanation — or excuse, really — for this hodgepodge of hobo Victoriana.
Best i-D Cover that's not Actually an i-D Cover — Vogue Paris
Sultry wink: check. Gaudy cap: bonus.
Worst Fashion How-To — Vogue UK
British Vogue asks itself the question, "How to make tracksuit trousers viable outside of gym hours?" and answers, "With bold heels and a snappy sweater." If only there'd been multiple choice options, so they could have picked the correct solution to the query: (C) None of the above.
Most Lecherous Cactus — Harper's Bazaar UK
It may not have hands, but those bristly spikes are a-wandering.
Best Goat — Greek Vogue
Worst Wig — Flaunt
Freida Pinto is certainly beautiful enough to overcome these hideously unflattering high-waisted hot pants, but the Liz Taylor–esque beehive is a backcomb or six too much.
Most Likely to Incur Disney's Wrath — Vogue Nippon
"Oh model Mickeys / you're so pretty / but you don't understand / the Walt Disney corporation won't let (even tenuous) copyright infringement get out of hand." So expect a cease-and-desist letter in the mail.
Most Unperturbed by Pigeons Primed to Attack — Dazed & Confused
You might say these pesky creatures are just flocking to the camera. But you also might not, because there have been enough bad wordplay jokes in this slideshow already — in which case, you'll just congratulate Laura Kampman's composure while a scene straight out of Hitchcock's Birds plays out around her.
Most Likely to Be Peeing Mid-Shoot — Interview Russia
Anton Yelchin has some explaining to do.
Best Smizing Llamas — Korean Vogue
This is a fairly standard fashion editorial trope: jet somewhere far-flung for the air miles, then get your model to pose with locals in heritage dress and hug some of the native animals. (The cute ones, that is.) And Korean Vogue seems to have found themselves some llamas with legit modelling experience — look at the swanlike extended neckline on that white-haired furball, and the striking profile pose from her brown-haired friend to the right. This must be why pashminas are so fashionable.
Laziest Courtesan — Jalouse
This lackadaisical attitude will never grant you the monarch's favor, no matter how pretty and coquettish you are.
Biggest Circle Skirt — Vogue Italia
Fun fact: This is actually Katy Perry.
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