When Ryan Lochte's Olympic performance came to its slightly disappointing conclusion last week, we at The Cut didn't shed any tears. This just meant that Lochte was one step closer to the wild sex romp through London that's surely been building up in his system for goodness knows how long (at least a week, probably). At last, free from his monastic lifestyle of nonstop swimming, peeing, eating, sleeping, and tweeting, he could enjoy the rest of his time in London by hitting the town and going on lots of
one night stands dates. And, according to some paparazzi photos that surfaced this morning, he seems to have wasted no time in luring some halter-dress-wearing ladies into the back of a black SUV, and um, fumbling around with them in the backseat.*
It's hard to tell what exactly is going on in these photos, which were taken outside the Chinawhite nighclub in Piccadilly Circus (basically London's equivalent to Times Square) on August 6. But we can always imagine:
Lochte: After you!
Halter dress: No, after you!
Lochte: Oh, okay, thanks — ooh! Sorry, I didn't see you ... jeah!
Halter dress: It's okay, I'll just, you know, squeeze in right here — oops! I fell on you! Oh, well, I guess I'll just sit on your lap.
Second girl: Looks like there are more people coming. I'll scooch in closer.
Halter dress: We can probably both fit on your lap. You have quad space to spare. Oops, my boob almost fell out!
Lochte: We'll probably all have more room if you take your jacket off.
Second girl: Great idea!
* Conflicting reports suggest the woman in his lap might (gulp) be his sister.
Most Viewed Stories
Brad Pitt Fights Back Against Angelina Jolie and Her Plot to ‘Destroy’ Him
I Tried Hillary Clinton’s Diet and Now I Sympathize With Her
Looks Like Kate Middleton Is Enjoying the View in Canada
What It’s Like to Be a Female Reporter Covering Donald Trump
The Best Part of Being a Royal Is Getting to Pet Bunnies
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Trump Campaign Manager Accidentally Refers to His ‘Abuse’ of Women on Live TV
Megyn Kelly Roasts Trump’s Campaign Manager for Claiming He Doesn’t Make Sexist Comments
Misty Copeland Did Her Own Makeup for This Ballet Book
Blac Chyna Tweets Out Rob Kardashian’s Phone Number As an Apparent Warning to His Fangirls
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesCiara's Wedding Dress Was Too Big for the Chapel
To be fair, it was a 13 foot-long dress.You and Rihanna Will Both Want to Invest in Dior’s New Bag
It's got something for everyone.Polo Shirts Have Turned Their Back on Ryan Lochte
Along with his other major sponsors.Ryan Lochte Will No Longer Be Paid to Wear Tiny Bathing Suits
Speedo remains committed to transparency.Laura Brown Is the New Editor-in-Chief of InStyle
After 11 years at Harper’s Bazaar.Tyra Banks Is Going to Teach a Class on Smizing at Stanford
"If I see somebody not paying attention, I’m gonna call on them."This Floating Pier Is the Most Zen Installation Ever
Walking on water in Italy.Nation Is Appalled by Matt Lauer’s Nude Ankles During Ryan Lochte Interview
What’s the opposite of “Jeah”?8 People at the Life of Pablo Pop-up Explain Why Kanye West Is a God
"I mean, Kanye West is just Kanye West. There's not more or less you can say about Kanye West. He's just Mr. West!"A T-shirt Is Enough
Simplicity, versatility, and cool. What more could you want?
She took a perfect pencil dive off a 30-foot yacht.American Apparel Is Being Sued by Former Workers
As the company considers putting itself up for sale.A Gendered History of the Tailored Suit
From Marlon Brando to Coco Chanel.How Zendaya Developed Such Great Style at the Young Age of 19
The star's best looks from Disney to now.Proof That If You’re Chic Enough, a Little Federal Investigation Doesn’t Matter
Is this the best they could do?5,300-Year-Old Mummified Iceman Probably Would’ve Been a Street-Style Star
He had several different looks and was “pretty picky.”J.Crew Has Identified 226 Shades of Pink
Even more than there are shades of gray.Gigi and Bella Hadid Merch Is Now Somehow a Thing That Is Happening
Today in Hadidiana.Gird Your Loins for the Return of Yeezy to New York Fashion Week
The season approaches.This Indie Brand Had a Great Response to Ivanka Trump
When she bought one of their cuffs, they donated the proceeds to the Clinton campaign.