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The stage is set — with mininature versions of London's most famous landmarks. (A mini fish'n'chips shop is, for some reason, missing from the line-up... more
The stage is set — with mininature versions of London's most famous landmarks. (A mini fish'n'chips shop is, for some reason, missing from the line-up.) Photo: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images
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A very unimpressed Kate Middleton: "What do you mean I have to wait an hour and a half to see the Spice Girls? They're the only reason I'm here.&... more
A very unimpressed Kate Middleton: "What do you mean I have to wait an hour and a half to see the Spice Girls? They're the only reason I'm here." Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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A traffic jam. Typical.
Photo: Michael Regan/2012 Getty Images
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People should be able to pop out of Big Ben and wave flags in real life, too.
Photo: Stu Forster/2012 Getty Images
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Lest we all forget that Prince HENRY was in attendance, he got a big shout-out. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/2012 Getty Images
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After being cut from NBC's broadcast of the opening ceremony, Scottish singer Emeli Sandé gets another crack at wowing the American audience wi... more
After being cut from NBC's broadcast of the opening ceremony, Scottish singer Emeli Sandé gets another crack at wowing the American audience with her soulful vocals. Photo: Mike Hewitt/2012 Getty Images
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This is either a rousing modern dance interpretation of last summer's riots, or it's the cast of Stomp. Photo: Stu Forster/Getty Images
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Against lots of nicer color-coded street parties, Suggs and Madness perform — the first in a long line of musicians probably old enough to be your Dad... more
Against lots of nicer color-coded street parties, Suggs and Madness perform — the first in a long line of musicians probably old enough to be your Dad wearing sunglasses when they really needn't be.
Photo: Stu Forster/Getty Images
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And there's one of those street parties. If your role in the closing ceremony involves just sitting in a deck chair and watching everything happen aro... more
And there's one of those street parties. If your role in the closing ceremony involves just sitting in a deck chair and watching everything happen around you, well, that's a pretty sweet deal. Photo: Scott Heavey/Getty Images
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It would be the guy in a kilt who gets lifted up and paraded around at such a height that all the folks on the ground would know whether he's gone the... more
It would be the guy in a kilt who gets lifted up and paraded around at such a height that all the folks on the ground would know whether he's gone the truly Scottish route or not underneath. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/2012 Getty Images
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Why not ride origami bicycles? Photo: Clive Brunskill/2012 Getty Images
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If Gareth Pugh designed costumes for pantomime villains, they would look like this. Photo: Hannah Johnston/Getty Images
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To the sound of thousands of excited teenage girls' screams, One Direction appeared on a truck to perform. And to the sound of thousands of disappoint... more
To the sound of thousands of excited teenage girls' screams, One Direction appeared on a truck to perform. And to the sound of thousands of disappointed teenage girls' screams, their performance — barely one song long — finished about two minutes later. There was barely enough time to compare their skinny jeans. (Ok, we know Zayn's were the cutest.)
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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The flagbearers' parade. Photo: Mike Hewitt/2012 Getty Images
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Well, after twenty five minutes spent watching a bunch of tired athletes saunter into the arena, you need a few loud bangs to liven things up against.... more
Well, after twenty five minutes spent watching a bunch of tired athletes saunter into the arena, you need a few loud bangs to liven things up against. These big fireworks came at the end of the athletes' parade. Photo: Mike Hewitt/Getty Images
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This batch of dancers, with their slo-mo running man moves, weas very impressive. Shame about their silly costumes.
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 G... more
This batch of dancers, with their slo-mo running man moves, weas very impressive. Shame about their silly costumes.
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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That's a very relieved dance — these performers managed to fit all those white blocks together into a sturdy-looking stage. Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty ... more
That's a very relieved dance — these performers managed to fit all those white blocks together into a sturdy-looking stage. Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images
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Yep, still proud that all the pieces fit together properly. And understandably so, becase nobody wants to be the guy broadcast worldwide holding the o... more
Yep, still proud that all the pieces fit together properly. And understandably so, becase nobody wants to be the guy broadcast worldwide holding the one piece that's left over.
Photo: Julian Finney/Getty Images
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A lovely children's choir sang along to John Lennon's "Imagine," ignoring the fact that if we actually did "imagine there's no countrie... more
A lovely children's choir sang along to John Lennon's "Imagine," ignoring the fact that if we actually did "imagine there's no countries" then the Olympics would be rendered wholly pointless.
Photo: Michael Steele/Getty Images
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You can't see it from this angle, but members of the Russian Olympic squad are asking George where he got his delightful crystal skull belt buckle. P... more
You can't see it from this angle, but members of the Russian Olympic squad are asking George where he got his delightful crystal skull belt buckle. Photo: Stu Forster/Getty Images
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Here come the Kaiser Chiefs, escorted by some very British motorcycles. As you can see, they really dressed up for the occasion. Double denim hasn't b... more
Here come the Kaiser Chiefs, escorted by some very British motorcycles. As you can see, they really dressed up for the occasion. Double denim hasn't been done that well since, gosh, the Canadian team we saw earlier.
Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Take a guess at what's behind that big Stella Tennant billboard. If you guessed Stella herself, in a gold pantsuit, well then that means you've alread... more
Take a guess at what's behind that big Stella Tennant billboard. If you guessed Stella herself, in a gold pantsuit, well then that means you've already watched the ceremony.
Photo: Paul Gilham/Getty Images
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And look, there she is!
Photo: Scott Heavey/2012 Getty Images
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It's Kate! Moss, not Middleton. The duchess is still (rightfully) annoyed about the Spice Girls' slot — Jessie J got more time than the biggest girl g... more
It's Kate! Moss, not Middleton. The duchess is still (rightfully) annoyed about the Spice Girls' slot — Jessie J got more time than the biggest girl group in British history! Come on now.
Photo: Michael Regan/Getty Images
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Needless to say, if anyone other than Kate had tried to walk ahead or even alongside Naomi, they would not have made it far. All the same, this is qui... more
Needless to say, if anyone other than Kate had tried to walk ahead or even alongside Naomi, they would not have made it far. All the same, this is quite the catwalk line-up — and it was nice of Georgia May Jagger to come along too, we suppose. Photo: Jamie Squire/Getty Images
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In the musical segment directly following the all-too-brief catwalk show, Annie Lennox's goth-romantic performance on and around the black skeleton of... more
In the musical segment directly following the all-too-brief catwalk show, Annie Lennox's goth-romantic performance on and around the black skeleton of an old boat brought far more fashion to the table than that gaggle of supermodels. It's all in the frilly skirts and bustles, you see.
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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Well sure, Russell Brand singing about eggmen and walruses on the top of a psychedelic love bus is definitely playing to character. But that doesn't m... more
Well sure, Russell Brand singing about eggmen and walruses on the top of a psychedelic love bus is definitely playing to character. But that doesn't make it any less skeezy. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Yep, still creepy. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/2012 Getty Images
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This is one of those ideas that got pitched at the end of a very long brainstorming session and then everyone forgot it had been approved until it was... more
This is one of those ideas that got pitched at the end of a very long brainstorming session and then everyone forgot it had been approved until it was too late to cancel it. Surely? Photo: Rob Carr/2012 Getty Images
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In the first of her two performances, Jessie J got driven around the stadium wearing a Vivienne Westwood bodysuit. (Again, Mel B did the all-in-one lo... more
In the first of her two performances, Jessie J got driven around the stadium wearing a Vivienne Westwood bodysuit. (Again, Mel B did the all-in-one look better.) Photo: Hannah Johnston/2012 Getty Images
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So close to achieving the "black tie" dress-code, and yet so far. More unnecessary sunglasses though, but of course. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell... more
So close to achieving the "black tie" dress-code, and yet so far. More unnecessary sunglasses though, but of course. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Here's a trapeze artist, because he was totally necessary to the evening's proceedings. Photo: Stu Forster/2012 Getty Images
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If only all taxis came like this. Photo: Jamie Squire/Getty Images
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Now if Mel B keeps this sort of attire up we'll have to start "who wore the jumpsuit better?" contests between her and J. Lo. Obviously Mel ... more
Now if Mel B keeps this sort of attire up we'll have to start "who wore the jumpsuit better?" contests between her and J. Lo. Obviously Mel wins, because 1) she's a Spice Girl and 2) she's the Scary one, at that. Well played, Scary. Photo: Hannah Johnston/2012 Getty Images
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A very subtle re-imagining of that classic Union Jack dress — with just a hint of the flag's pattern in some pleats around the waist. Well played, Gin... more
A very subtle re-imagining of that classic Union Jack dress — with just a hint of the flag's pattern in some pleats around the waist. Well played, Ginger.
Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Quite simply as cute as ever. Well played, Baby.
Photo: Mike Hewitt/2012 Getty Images
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A huge improvement on the neon Adidas tracksuits and scrunchies. Well played, Sporty.
Photo: Hannah Johnston/Getty Images
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Let's be honest, everyone's just thrilled Victoria agreed to participate. Well played, Posh. Photo: Julian Finney/2012 Getty Images
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Another gratutious shot of the girls all back together. Make these reunions a monthly thing, please.
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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The Spice Girls are a tough act for anyone to follow, sure. But a Gallagher brother, really? Aside from the nasally mess of a vocal, he hasn't even bo... more
The Spice Girls are a tough act for anyone to follow, sure. But a Gallagher brother, really? Aside from the nasally mess of a vocal, he hasn't even bothered to comb his hair. A Spice Girls lyric comes to mind, in fact: "Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody who's familiar with the term grooming." (And to think, that could have been a performance. What a tragic missed opportunity.)
Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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No idea about this. None whatsoever — and to be fair, even the lady fake-flying it doesn't look sure. Photo: Julian Finney/2012 Getty Images
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WHY ISN'T THIS AN OLYMPIC SPORT? Photo: Scott Heavey/2012 Getty Images
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Ice-skating nuns! Before you even start to think, "huh?," remember, it doesn't matter, because... they're ice-skating nuns.
Photo: Jeff J M... more
Ice-skating nuns! Before you even start to think, "huh?," remember, it doesn't matter, because... they're ice-skating nuns.
Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Oh yes, and after bringing in a very talented Indian dance troupe, it was time for "funny old man" Eric Idle to dance along and mock the cul... more
Oh yes, and after bringing in a very talented Indian dance troupe, it was time for "funny old man" Eric Idle to dance along and mock the culture just a little. That'd be the evening's dose of mild British xenophobia for you — something for the Daily Mail 's readers to talk about tomorrow over tea. Photo: Scott Heavey/Getty Images
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Matt Bellamy of Muse somehow manages to retain his rocker credentials while performing in a sequin-covered suit. That's impressive. Photo: Jamie Squi... more
Matt Bellamy of Muse somehow manages to retain his rocker credentials while performing in a sequin-covered suit. That's impressive. Photo: Jamie Squire/2012 Getty Images
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Brian May, wearing Phil Spector's hair. Conditioner, meet Brian — you two need to get better acquainted. Photo: Scott Heavey/2012 Getty Images
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And with this grandoise little segment, the flag officially passed from London's Mayor Boris Johnson to the current Mayor of Rio de Janeiro. Boris had... more
And with this grandoise little segment, the flag officially passed from London's Mayor Boris Johnson to the current Mayor of Rio de Janeiro. Boris had asked to do this on zip lines, but for some reason his request got denied.
Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/2012 Getty Images
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A tap dancing street cleaner: sure, why not?
Photo: Pascal Le Segretain/2012 Getty Images
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A dress made out of umbrellas. Could the Brazilians be mocking the British climate just a little?
Photo: Michael Regan/Getty Images
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Also from the Brazilian showcase: lemon yellow-colored zebra print skinny jeans. This sort of thing says Rio means business. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/G... more
Also from the Brazilian showcase: lemon yellow-colored zebra print skinny jeans. This sort of thing says Rio means business. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Also, tribal-style glow-in-the-dark headdresses. Photo: Hannah Johnston/2012 Getty Images
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Yes, that's Brazilian supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio front and center. In four years' time, there will no doubt be a Brazilian fashion show to rival t... more
Yes, that's Brazilian supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio front and center. In four years' time, there will no doubt be a Brazilian fashion show to rival the Brits'. And there will definitely be more bikinis.
Photo: Stu Forster/2012 Getty Images
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London's Olympic flame, all 204 holders, gracefully drop from their upright positions to prepare for the snuffing. (But not before a phoenix rises fro... more
London's Olympic flame, all 204 holders, gracefully drop from their upright positions to prepare for the snuffing. (But not before a phoenix rises from among them! A pirouetting phoenix at that. Fawkes would be proud.) Photo: Michael Regan/2012 Getty Images
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It may have been a long time coming, but the ballet segment didn't disappoint. This is "supporting cast of The Lion King on Broadway" fierce... more
It may have been a long time coming, but the ballet segment didn't disappoint. This is "supporting cast of The Lion King on Broadway" fierceness. Photo: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images
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Some nice fireworks to finish everything up. Everybody loves fireworks! Yay, London.
Photo: Phil Walter/Getty Images