Kim Kardashian’s Boobs Trapped in Evil Web

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Photo: Alo Ceballos/FilmMagic, Patrick McMullan, Patrick McMullan

A cruel sorceress ensnared the chest of buxom maiden Kim Kardashian in an evil web last night, at a Fashion Week party for shoe designer Brian Atwood. "Nay!" cried the maiden, "Trap not my bosom, for it is my livelihood. I will be impoverished; my family will starve. Nobody will watch our TV show, if my breasts cannot run free."

"Fine," said the sorceress. "I will free your breasts. But only the sides." And so Kim Kardashian's sideboobs were released, and the townspeople cheered with glee. (As did, perhaps, Ryan Lochte. He was at that party, too.)