With a fun mix of monthly and quarterly issues to consider, October's bests and worsts span good, bad, and so-bad-it's-good taste. There's designer bag ladies, chimpanzees on leashes, and Britney Spears's sad, sad eyes to consider, because no amount of Elle's airbrushing can bring that sparkle back. On a more positive note, there's also a modern take on the youngest members of the Von Trapp family, Anna Dello Russo, sky-diving, and some gratuitous Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Click through to see all this month's superlatives, and let us know if we missed any of your favorites.
Worst Detail Fail — Vogue Germany
Let's get this month's rant about fashion magazines' ever-offensive appropriation of "hobo-chic" out of the way nice and early: German Vogue, this shoot is all wrong. Wrong in its inception, and in its realization: Any true (designer) bag lady would be collecting crushed cans, not pristine soda six-packs some poor assistant had to wheel straight from the nearest mini mart.
Best Real Housewife Cameo in Vogue Magazine — Vogue
This bears repeating: a Real Housewife cameo in a Vogue magazine photoshoot. And she looks great. NeNe Leakes everyone, kicking Kim Zolciak's ass and taking fashion editors' names. Now then, how about a Lisa Vanderpump cover? Anybody?
Biggest Waste of a Fancy Hotel Room — Vogue U.K.
Also, most obvious: There's a man who isn't Robert Pattinson in Kristen Stewart's bed. She looks grumpy — and wholly unappreciative of the fancy window drapes.
Deepest in Thought — Schon
Thinks River Viiperi, "How do I persuade Paris Hilton not to make me sign a prenup?" (Or maybe the Schon fashion team saw just how great the Brant brothers looked when they got philosophical last month, and decided to pay tribute to Rodin again. Well, you know, "tribute.")
Best Birds of Paradise — W
More Jennifer Lawrence in fashion magazines, please. Pretty please. (And a fun fact for Hunger Games readers: One particularly talented fan of the books took another lovely shot from this editorial and Photoshopped in a dashing photo of JLaw's co-star Josh Hutcherson. District 12 for the win!)
Worst Cultural Hodge-Podge — Vogue China
Sure, it's Anna Dello Russo, so no one expects subtlety, but you could play ethnographic bingo with all the cultures mashed up in this dizzying set.
Most Controversial Ribcage — Numero
Now you see it, now you don't.
Most Likely to be Copying the Previous Slide's Karlie Shoot — Vogue Russia
Black and white photo, topless model contorted, ribcage akimbo: check, check, check.
Best/Worst Trampolining — Harper's Bazaar
Joseph Altuzarra, you're doing cute right; model, you're doing it wrong. But great core flexibility.
Worst Placed Banana — CR Fashion Book
It looks like a penis, as bananas often do. But as this is CR Fashion Book, the phallus is probably intentional. Perhaps the apple represents a sad, solitary breast too — because Carine does like to throw a good nipple in the mix.
Best Sexy Jesus — L’Officiel Paris
The lacy toga is a nice touch, even if it looks a little like the musty tablecloths in the dress-up box at your great aunt's house.
Best Britney — Elle
Sad eyes and too much Spanx, sure, but it's still Ms. Spears in ostrich feathers and Swarovski. Wait, is that the "Lucky" chorus playing softly, hauntingly, in the background?
Worst Britney — Nylon
When Nylon offers you the headline "gimme more" accompanied by these tired streetwalker clothes, the only response is to close the issue and reply, no, you cannot have any more. At all. Ever.
Most Terrifying Prospect — Dazed & Confused
"Rising from the underground, the sordid hipsters of America," will actually be a box office hit in 30 years time when both hipster culture and a fascination with zombies are (somewhat ironically) cool again.
Most Lively Hills — Vogue Paris
Emmanuelle Alt would like you to know that her kiddie fashion supplements will be far less controversial than Carine's, though lederhosen remains a divisive issue within the industry.
Most Fair Use of Photoshop — Harper's Bazaar
Because if Harper's really threw Eniko out of a plane in that wispy gown and no eyemask, she'd die of exposure.
Best High Fashion Quarterback — GQ Style China
Players will want to tackle him to see just how soft and warm that knitwear is — but then maybe that's a bad thing for a QB. (No clue about the cactus.)
Worst Animal Exploitation — Vogue Turkey
You can't see it here, but this poor chimp spent the whole shoot on a very tight leash. Not nice.
Most Shameless Case of Patriotism (Part 1) — Fantastic Man
Did I mention I'm good at baking Welsh cakes?
Most Shameless Case of Patriotism (Part 2) — Fantastic Man
Also, many of my rugby-playing countrymen are strapping and handsome. (That being the point of this fantastic editorial.)
Most Likely to be Barred from a Small Southern Town's Senior Prom — L’Officiel Paris
If the same -ex coupling wasn't bad enough already, the bejewelled face mask screams "I'm a subversive student here to spike the fruit punch."
Best Take on Grey Gardens — Jalouse
First glance: beekeeper, sure, but we're better than jokes about the buzz surrounding Kate Upton. Look a little harder and you'll see she's bringing both Big Edie's style and Little Edie's love for the camera. Oh, and then as you'd expect, Kate's also bringing breasts.
Best Beauty Queen Pull-Quote — i-D
"Talent, good manners, and a good sense of humor are what makes someone inspirational... oh, and world peace." Someone sign Edie Campbell up for whichever pageant isn't Trump-owned.
Most Fashionable Hoarder — Vogue Spain
Well, if you were going to wear one outfit forever because your wardrobe is stuck behind seventeen feet of canned food, yard sale crap, and the occasional dead cat, you could do a lot worse than a chic LBD. (But it's still worth calling Dr. Suzanne Chabaud.)
Most Impossible Crossword — LOVE
All the clues for the "across" words are pasted behind this young fellow's right ear.
Best Rockstar Mom Jeans — Velvet
If Rock of Love still aired, she'd be a shoo-in for the token ex-groupie lady who spends the first few episodes locked in the confessional booth drunkenly reminiscing about that time she snuck backstage at a Poison concert and, well, the rest of her monologue gets bleeped out because even VH1 has some standards.
Most Likely to Fight Last Slide's Rockstar Mom in an Episode of Rock of Love — Vogue Brazil
Because what would reality TV dating shows be without drunken scuffling?
Most Aggressive — Vogue China
Vogue China takes over Tibet. Nice leggings, though.
Best Top Model Cameo — Russh
Meet Cassi Van Den Dungen, runner-up on the fifth cycle of Australia's Next Top Model and arguably one of the Top Model franchise's finest contestants ever, worldwide — the perfect mix of high-fashion potential and shameless, unfiltered brattiness that's so bad it comes across beautifully on TV. May we please see more of her.
Best Joseph Gordon-Levitt — Flaunt
Yep. Simple as.
Biggest Cat — AnOther
Let's ignore the obviously skewed perspective here and just freak out about the fact that this cat is bigger than Constance Jablonksi. Don't ever plan on having a fish dish for dinner, because you'd be fighting a losing battle with this beast.
Best Props — GQ Style Germany
One of these reptiles is not like the others. Because it's a shoe.
All Around Worst — Allure
Sophia Petrillo would have none of this shit.
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