Have you read this week’s issue of Goop, the Gwyneth Paltrow newsletter, yet? It includes the genuinely startling revelation that the actress — whose self-professed eating habits vacillate between a macrobiotic diet and comfort-food fetishism with some draconian gluten-free detoxes in between — will not be pursuing a New Year’s purge. Plus, it's written like a very frustrated telegraph.
“I am not on a detox,” Paltrow writes. “I am not on a diet. I know, New Year’s cleansing and all that. Not this year. Can’t do it. Maybe later in the year. Maybe in the spring.”
I know what you’re thinking. In an October Goop, Paltrow admitted to being a “real snacker,” only to offer a recipe called “Avocado on Rice Cracker,” which was about as fake of a snack as you've seen. (Step one: “Place sliced avocado evenly on rice cracker, feeling free to muddle a bit to fit the shape of the cracker.”) But this time she’s for real. She’s got the gluten- and cheese-laden recipes for burritos and pasta to prove it.
Except you only get one noodle. Until the spring. Then you get half.