The Rules Is Back and More Retrograde Than Ever

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Like all things nineties, The Rules is back. Authors Sherrie Schneider and Ellen Fein, her authority renewed by remarriage, have updated the 1995 dating manual, which was based on the principle of ignoring men so that they can't figure out what's wrong with you. "Hard-to-get" doesn't really cover it. For example, rule No. 2 is "Don't stare at men or talk too much." The 2013 version, Not Your Mother's Rules — chilling, to think that there might be a generation of Rules babies running around, not returning boys' SnapChats — teaches women how to lure men by cultivating social-media mystique. 

But, according to the Daily News, the new Rules are stringent: no drunk e-mailing, no selfies with pizza, no cyber-stalking, and no Twitter rants. The book also specifies how long you have to wait before texting him back, according to your age. "Young women have a 30-minute minimum. Older women should wait at least four hours — longer if possible." I appreciate the specificity, but I can't say I see the logic in that one. Four hours gives your potential suitor enough time to text and receive replies from up to eight younger women. Here's hoping they held onto my favorite rule, which is No. 31, "Don't discuss The Rules with your therapist," because it makes it sound like Fight Club for women.